Too soon to meet new gf? Should I say something?

[tippytap]

My DD father split up from his long term partner in January. Since then he's dated a fair bit.

Our DD (9) has met one of his friends before and told me in a Skype call yesterday, that she went to the park with Dad and his 'friend'. The quotes aren't mine - they're what DD did in the Skype call to me. So, regardless of how she was introduced, DD knows she's his gf.

I know that XP hasnt been seeing his gf long, 6-8w probably.

Our DD didn't seem upset or bothered, but she was incredibly hurt when XP and gf split up as they were together 4 years and lived together.

Should I say something to my XP that I think he should wait, or should I mind my own business?

I think it depends in the kind of relationship you have with him. I've just introduced my dcs to my 'friend' but you are right they worked it out quickly. I did tell the dcs dad before I did as this was our agreement on splitting last year. Also I'd want to bloody well know when the roles are reversed.

We have our ups and downs, but we get along and always put our DD first.

I'm not bothered that XP didn't tell me, my concern is that it's only weeks he's been seeing her and this is the third 'friend' DD has met in 6 m..

It sounds like your DD has a pretty good idea of what's going on. I think you should just talk to her about it and not your ex

I am all to familiar with this situation and my little man is only 5! he's just met the latest one with 5 kids in toe to make it even easier... I kid! Xp actually moved state for one not too long ago and after months of not seeing his son it took months of tears and heartache to get my ds to even walk out the front of my home with xp let alone stay a night again since her there have been 2 more and many before! In my experience nothing you say to xp will make any difference unfortunately but just be there for your dd after all you are her only consistency! Good luck to you I hope it all pans out well, it's a tough place to be

If your relationship with the ex is ok then maybe talk to him about how upset DD was after his last break up. There is nothing wrong in reminding him/explaining that the break up may have been hard for him but it also affected DD and he should bear that in mind when introducing her to new people.

It isn't about saying he can't just that if he involves DD in his relationships then he must remember she will be involved in the break up of those relationships.

Thanks. It's a really difficult situation. DD is happy with her dad dating, but I guess it's me who's uncomfortable with her meeting people who are - transitory in her dad's life.

Oddly despite being happy with her dad dating, she's adamant that she doesn't want me to. Stability,maybe?

She still mentions regularly her 'brother' (XP's XG son) and how she misses him.

Of course it's hard for you, and yes a stability issue, anything that happens in her fathers home is a minuscule portion of her life which is probably is the reason she's not too worried but her mummy is her whole life so she wants to keep her household stable after the example your xp has left dating probably seems very messy in her eyes

Probably. If she is used to having all of your attention and focus then somebody new to the scene would change that.

I would say that the swift introduction of a new partner would not work as well for you as it does your ex and should you introduce somebody you will probably have to do it at a much slower pace.

Maybe the other reason she does not appear to be too bothered by dads new girlfriend's is because they don't tend to stick around for long. It is easier to accept a short lived intrusion than it is a long term partner.

I'd feel the same but he's a parent too so he gets to decide how to manage his relationship and daughter on his watch.

If you can, I would speak to him. Mind you I tried to speak to my ex about him introducing his current gf too soon to our son, & got a loads of abuse hurled at me - must be jealous etc. Disappointingly his current gf is there nearly every time ex sees our son. This upsets me and ds, who has made it clear to me that he wants to just see his dad. Sigh. He's a dick though. Everything we spoke about after break up about new partners apparently no longer applies to him