Would you rather have a romantic or practical partner/ DH?

[Walrusthesaurus]

Only one- not both!

DH is a good man but lacks any romantic gene.
I often feel 'let down' and sometimes wonder.....

I do tend to wonder if by 'romantic' I mean 'thoughtful'.

He's steady, honest, and a great dad. But the day before my wedding my mum confided to my bridesmaid and best friend that she was worried DH didn't make me feel 'special'. And she's right.

On the one hand he will come home with paper for the pc (I use it mainly working from home) and he will maintain the pc etc. He will check out my car before I do a long journey.

On the other hand I never get flowers, the 'right' kind of presents ( he chooses rubbish stuff and doesn't seem to have a clue what I like) no little phone calls or texts during the day except for practical stuff.

Today I went back to bed after getting up- mega period pains and felt terrible. This is not a monthly thing- too old for that! - he went and did a bit of shopping and I just thought how touching it would have been to have bought me some flowers or a gesture like that. In his shoes, I would have.

The only time he has got his brain into gear on things like this was some years back when we were getting on very very badly and I was seriously thinking of leaving. Why does he need that kind of scenario to change his behaviour?

What does your DH/DP do?

[Inapickle123]

DH is ridiculously practical and, like you, I often think how he would have been had he the romantic gene: Flowers, thoughtful gifts for Mother's Day/birthday/Xmas (rather than waiting til the absolute last minute so I get ANOTHER set of pjs, gift card for whatever shop is open etc.) surprise dinners/trips away...

Then I give myself a kick up the arse and remind myself that I'm incredibly lucky to have such a lovely father for my DC and a man who comes home when he says he will.

I always tend to pick him up small gifts when I'm out and this is never reciprocated. I used to get seriously annoyed and then I realised that he is a man and-as a rule- inherently, and completely unintentionally, selfish.

If you want these things, get them for yourself or tell him you want him to become a little more thoughtful. Your DH sounds like a really decent chap so he will take up the challenge BUT don't be disappointed when its only for the short term and things revert back to normal. Some (most?) men are just not cut out for the whole thoughtful romance thing...

[Matildathecat]

Just the same here if that's any consolation. We celebrated our silver wedding recently and I was so hoping for a jewel. No. It's not the same if you have to ask for it, is it?

But, and it's a huge but, I have a spinal injury and can't do lots of things and he has taken over so many things without complaining. He's also generous with money and is 'lending' my brother a big sum to do up the very tired house they've just bought. His idea, not mine.

So, I guess I will have to get over the romantic bit. I think it could be true to say that he has bought me more vases than flowers during our marriage!

[melissa83]

Dh is both as it doesnt have to be one or the other

[venusandmars]

Oh God, I definitely choose romantic over practical.

re-wiring needs done - pay a professional to do it
car needs fixed - pay a professional to do it
garden needs sorted - pay a professional to do it

touching, romantic, personal stuff - dp (gets a bit dodgy if you're paying someone for this )

Plus I really hate the continual mess and half finished jobs that happen if your partner is 'practical', as least if you've paid someone to do it you can demand that things are finished and tidied.

[peacefuloptimist]

Oh my god walrus that is a spot on description of my dh. At the beginning of our relationship he was very romantic but after ds was born this decreased significantly (though that may have been in response to the change in my behaviour as i focused more of my love and attention on ds) and tbh even when he was more romantic it was mainly doing things he liked for me rather than things I liked e.g. writing me poetry rather than going out somewhere together which is what I prefered). At first I thought it was deliberate like he was intentionally not being responsive to my hints but now I think it's just out of his comfort zone, which is still unfair as I have done things out of my comfort zone for him. Have you heard of the different love languages? As far as I understand it, it's the idea that people like to give and receive love in a particular way. I'm more of a gifts type person so I show love by giving gifts but also feel loved when people buy my gifts. My dh and others in family think I'm quite materialistic because of this but like you it can just be something small like flowers.

In answer to your question I would say at times I would want practical and others romantic. But if push came to shove I would choose reliability. I prefer substance over style.

Like the previous poster I would say indulge yourself by spending on yourself rather than waiting for him otherwise you may end up waiting forever. Plus don't do anything for your dh expecting him to reciprocate. It was my anniversary recently and I bought my dh something even though I knew he was not going to get me anything but did it anyway because it makes me happy to acknowledge the occasion. Once I learned that I started doing less for my dh but when I do something for him it is really from my heart rather than because I feel I should.

[Thumbwitch]

I'd take practical any day of the week. I can't be doing with romantical gestures if not backed up by solid practical help.
But then I'm not romantic either.

DH is a bit romantic but only on set occasions, he's not spontaneous about it. He's pretty good on the practical front - although I do call him Mr 90% as he tends to not finish the last 10% of any job off, this might just be the clean up afterwards but it's still annoying. Still, better than him not being able to do it at all, and he doesn't do bodge jobs either.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I don't need romantic, but thoughtful is important.

If I had to choose one or the other I'd go practical (I don't mean good at DIY, but he needs to have common sense), but really you need both!

[peacefuloptimist]

Your dh sounds like an acts of service type of person in that he demonstrates love by taking care of you practically, helping you out practically. The other types of love languages are quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch.

[BertieBotts]

DH is both but sometimes the romantic bit I find a bit cheesy and annoying. I'm probably just grumpy though

However he doesn't really set much store by birthdays, anniversaries etc.

[tumbletumble]

I went for practical too, OP. My DH is very good at DIY type stuff (and nevet leaves mess or half finished jobs venusandmars). He's hard working, loyal and a great Dad. He supports me - financially and emotionally. But he's never going to be one to shower me with flowers or declarations of love.

The languages of love referred to by peacefuloptimist - mine are words and touch, whereas DH's are quality time and acts of service. So we do love each other but we express it in different ways.

He did make a massive effort for our 10th wedding anniversary last year

[BestIsWest]

Mine veers very much towards the practical. Very occasionally he will have a romantic moment but they are few and far between. However many of the practical things he does are done with my benefit in mind so I don't have to worry about them.

[Namechangearoonie123]

Dh adores me but isn't a gift giver. He's a making tea/rubbing feet/snuggling type/popping to shop for chocolate type.

He wouldn't buy me flowers unless I was specific like for birthdays. He does buy me random Crunchies (my fave)

He is very practical in the muscle sense. He can build a deck or do big things. He can't do any practical trade type things though.

So he's half and half but not quite the best at either.

What matters though is that he thinks I'm gorgeous and he tells me he loves me every day. So that's romantic enough for me.

[onedev]

Walrus you're very much describing my DH too & how I feel sometimes. Then I'll be with friends whose DH are openly romantic / big gestures type of guys (what I imagine id like) & they go on about how lucky I am to have a DH who will take all 3 DSs out early to give me a lie in / do all kinds of housework type things so that I get a break etc & I remember how lucky I am.

My DH very much shows his love by taking practical care of me & whilst I do wish he were more romantic, I'd have him this way every time (although I do give him a list of things to buy me for my birthday so that he'll pick something I want but it's still a surprise as I don't know what off the list IYSWIM!)

[ApplebyMennym]

I'm lucky enough to have both in DH.

If I had to choose I'd say practical, as I can be rather scatty. I'd rather have a fixed car than a bunch of flowers!

[bigTillyMint]

My ex was both romantic and practical

My DH is neither.

I can cope with him being useless with practical stuff, but I do miss the romance a bit after 18 years!

[monkeyfacegrace]

I'd kill for a practical husband.

DH supplies endless material gifts, flowers, chocolates, cooks every night, tucks me up when I'm ill.

Then stands there scratching his head when the cooker doesn't work (the main switch had tripped), he couldn't detach our car roof box (I just had to stand on a fucking step and unscrew the thing, it's not rocket science), and ask him to turn on the TV and connect the surround sound and he's lost.

It drives me up the fucking wall. I actually want to kill him most days.

[OneDreamOnly]

I'm sorry but checking the car for me before a long journey, going to the shop when I'm ill wo asking. All if those are, for me thoughtful and a sign that DH does care about me and that I'm special for him.

I would much prefer a guy like this than one who is all 'romantic', gives me flowers etc but can't do a thing in the house, doesn't think about the car needing to be services or that it's a good idea to check the car wheels before a long trip. This lack of practical sense would mean that all the practical stuff would fall on my lap and I wouldn't like it vim pretty sure you wouldn't either tbh.

Im wondering if what you would like isn't both. The practical and romantic guy. The one that repairs the car but us also thinking about gestures that makes you feel special rather than things that he thinks are nice to do for you.

[sonlypuppyfat]

He checks your car? Much better than a bunch of flowers. Practical is far better than romantic sloppyness.

[Takver]

I'm pmsl at your DH, monkeyfacegrace - he obviously picked the right DW, though

[Takver]

Sorry, didn't answer the OP - I'd choose practical any day, but then I'm crap at being romantic myself. I love the fact that DH's birthday is on a 'significant' day (not xmas, but you get the picture) so I can't forget it, otherwise I absolutely no doubt would . . .

[Viviennemary]

I'm always a bit suspicious of romantic types. So I choose practical.

[CoffeeTea103]

I would choose practical over romantic but thankfully I have one who is both. He really thinks about the logistics and practicality of everything while at the same time being so thoughtful.

[bigTillyMint]

OP, my DH sounds quite like yours. If he was hearts and flowers as well, he would be perfect

[Ragwort]

I agree with Thumbwitch - I would much rather have practical - but then I am much more of a practical person myself and not at all into big romantic gestures - I think my DH would prefer me to be more romantic especially in bed. .

DH is actually very kind & thoughtful, I often get flowers, little love notes etc. He is very generous with finance - everything has always been 100% shared, he would never question what I spend, even though I haven't earned anything for 14 years ........... but I would love him to show some interest in the garden or decorating .

[toyoungtodie]

Oh, if only we could all have a perfect man both practical and romantic.

What I actually have is someone who is caring, loyal, a wonderful Father ( worshipped by his DC's ) very unselfish, who loves me to bits, and has no imagination. On occasion I would like something else, but who doesn't? I had lots and lots of excitement before I married my practical DH. I experienced a selection of romantic no good rats. No one is ever going to be perfect and practical is superior to romantic in my opinion, if you are asking us to choose.