Professional advice for divorce

[Gogglepox]

Are lawyers the only option to get advice on financials when heading towards divorce? I don't really want to go down this route and we are hoping to agree things through mediation however I need professional advice on our financial settlement because what my H and I (or what "he" has proposed) have discussed to date seems unfair to me and I need professional advice.

Can anyone give me suggestions other than a lawyer?

Why don't you want to speak to a solicitor? What route do you think it will take you down?
It is entirely possible to speak to a solicitor for advice only. You can still represent yourself, attend mediation and anything else you feel is right.

A solicitor is the best place for professional advice. There are lots of other sources of information and, if everyone's being honest and reasonable, it's quite possible to agree something privately and only use a solicitor to rubber stamp the whole thing at the divorce stage. If you suspect you're being stitched up, you'd be daft not to use a lawyer.

Just typing this I feel like a fool but my H and his parents both are advising me not to see a lawyer because "they pit you against one another and then take half of the proceeds for themselves". I do need professional advice so thanks for my silly question!!

Family Law by Gordon & Slater is a good read. Also check out Terry's Divorce Forum, it has lots of advice on DIY divorce. If you're not using a solicitor, you can ask for advice there.

Remember to give your 'facts', e.g. length of relationship (and length of marriage), no. and age of kids, assets known about (equity, mortgage, pensions, both your earnings, any other major assets).

Whether or not you get a lawyer, will depend on the assets you cannot agree about. A hard fought legal battle will cost in the region of 20K - so you have to be certain that you are going to end up at least 20K better off at the end of it.

A reasonable divorce costs between 5 - 10K. Again, you have to be certain you will be 5 - 10K better off by using solicitors.

Using solicitors is good if you are being bullied into a financial settlement that is clearly unfair (hello STBXH!), as it helps take some of the stress out of the situation - and ensures your rights are protected. However, it is very costly.

If I were you, book an hour's appointment to a solicitor's (which will cost you 220 - 250 pounds and ask them for their thoughts on what you're being offered. They will be able to give you a direct answer.

I hope that helps.

I've been through this. When you engage a solicitor they will work for your best interests. Sometimes it can be difficult. I listened to their advice and made my own decisions

I saw an Independent Financial Adviser as well, they put a whole different spin on it and also worked out my mortgage capacity long term etc.

You can get a free initial consultation from them too. I decided to take'bits' of their advice.

Good luck!

Hi Goggle good advice here, especially from Well. I can say this because MummyBeer works in this area.

Yes, it can get expensive, but you will get what you are entitled to (or the best deal your sol can negotiate with your stbxh). Depending on your situation, this may be worth your while. You will start by splitting the marital pot (everything you both own, everything) straight down the middle then look for reasons why one person should get more or less of it.

You mention both that your STBXH and his parents are leery of you getting legal advice, and that you feel what they're offering is unfair. Funny that. Any chance they don't want you fully informed, for some reason, possibly involving lots of money?

An important point to note is that a good solicitor will give you the best advice (ie, they will have a good idea of what a judge will permit and hence what is realistic and worth pursuing) but also act on your instructions. These two things do not always overlap! MB has seen a lot of money wasted because clients did not follow her advice. Ironic really, because that's largely what the huge hourly rate represents. A good solicitor will be firm and not let a client go off on a tangent by issuing instructions unlikely to bear fruit.

Anyway, I digress. Point is, they're not estate agents. Well's advice to book an hour is sound. If you wanted a free slot, I can recommend purple legal as a starting point.

It didn't cost me anywhere near that much to get a legal separation agreement (Scotland). About £1300 legal fee I think, which was well worth it. My solicitor was excellent. It would have been that again for a divorce (with children under 16). My solicitor was committed to keeping my costs down. She even helped me by telling me bits I could do myself and she worked for a fixed fee. And she's given me pieces of advice free of charge over the phone since then. Absolutely see a solicitor.

Ha! I wonder why DH and his parents are advising you not to get independent financial advice?????

Wise up OP!!

Definitely, definitely get advice from a family solicitor in your area before you proceed. The decisions made in divorces do vary slightly from court to court ad your local solicitor will know exactly what would be the most likely result in your area.

I suspect this could be the best value for money you have ever spent and you can get 30 mins free advice form lots of them.

Good luck.

Just typing this I feel like a fool but my H and his parents both are advising me not to see a lawyer because "they pit you against one another and then take half of the proceeds for themselves"

See, as soon as you say it out loud (or type it on a forum) you can tell how ludicrous that sounds. It's so easy to lose sight of the wood in amongst all those trees, isn't it? You have to stop and say "here, wait a minute - this is the man I'm splitting up with - can I rely on his advice? In whose interests is it that I am not fully informed of my rights and the best way to secure them? Hmm, it's not me, is it".

Am also interested in how these evil lawyers are supposed to end up with "half the proceeds". It may seem expensive at a couple of hundred an hour, but if you stand to be bounced out of several hundred thousand pounds, which is quite on the cards if there is a marital home involved even if you aren't all that well off, a good legal adviser is cheap at the price, believe me. They are likely to pay for themselves and then some. Do shop around a bit for one you are comfortable working with, though. You have to have confidence that your professional is working 100% for you.

Your question isn't silly. Your gut is saying 'something is not right about this' but you can't be sure given the emotional and wrought reality of splitting up, that you're not just being 'vengeful' because emotions are at an all time high. Your instinct is that you don't want to make things any worse for yourself.

Your STBXH may be right - it is not worth spending a lot of money on solicitors if there's not much to fight over to begin with. Getting a solicitor involved has to make financial sense. The divorce process does not concern itself with who did what to who - that's the stuff of movies.

Getting a solicitor involved is not an act of revenge, it has to be because the financial package is very unfair to you and clearly advantageous to him. If it is about ego - then don't hire one beyond the initial meeting.

A word of warning: by not doing as he says, and doing things for yourself, you are possibly going to get a lot more bullied over time - another reason for having a solicitor, they take the pressure off quite a bit. But this will ramp up your costs. But be prepared for you STBXH to become a dick of the highest order if you defy his argument to not get a solicitor involved, and your solicitor doesn't agree his offer is 'reasonably fair'.

However, only employ a solicitor if the cost of doing so will definitely result in you being between 5K and 20K better off at the end of it. A solicitor cannot take away the pain of your divorce, but they can explain your rights and suggest what a possible reasonable settlement would look like.

There are people out there who wish to take their spouses to the cleaners - it's not going to happen. We aren't in an 'Hollywood happy ever after scorned wife gets revenge movie'. This is real life.

You don't mention children or the length of your marriage, or your ages. This is a very important consideration when getting a settlement. A 55yo SAHM will get infinitely more in a settlement than a 25yo SAHM, when the needs have been met for both parties.

I only went to see my solicitor to get advice on the process and what I had to do. She's been my rock for the last three months, and likely to be for the next year - and she has already secured a better interim financial package for me than he 'generously' offered, so has paid for herself many times over already. So glad I didn't know much about divorce really, and my instinct was right.

See a solicitor, ESPECIALLY because your STBXH and his parents don't want you to. That's a red flag right there.

I would definitely get professional advice for sure. Even if you only go once. I went just once to here where I stood etc and it was worth the money. We have then filed on our own and have decided between us about the finances. It has absolutely nothing to do with his parents!

I also made my husband see a solicitor and it has done him the world of good as he now has heard from a professional what the LAW is in terms of maintenance etc.. not just me telling him. It has made him far more reasonable as he can see it is not what I think/he thinks is fair but what the law says. Even if you do agree amicably you still need to get advice from a solicitor to know what is what. You do deserve this.

You absolutely need a solicitor even if you said you were OK with the proposal because a judge is unlikely to sign a consent order if you have not had legal advice and will definitely not sign anything that is unfair to one party even if both say they agree.

Thanks everyone. There is a bit to divvy up, our London marital home (£1.7m), a rental flat and pensions/savings.

However I do not want to touch the rental flat as we bought it for the children's use in the future (and we would need that in writing). I'm also not interested in my H's pension or investments.

We don't want to sell the marital home (we have currently rented it out as we are living in another city) because of its investment potential.

However the amount of money we can release from the house currently would leave me with £300k cash. This is what H wants to give me, total. However I want it written down that when the London house is sold in the future, I get a percentage of it (not 50%). I haven't discussed this with H yet.

There is an element of guilt here because my husband brought the majority of money to the marriage and paid down the mortgage with his bonuses.

I am also the one leaving the relationship (we have two young children).

I work FT and make a good salary (£80k) but my H makes more than double my salary.

I know we are lucky to be in our financial position and £300k is A LOT of money but when you compare it to half of £1.7m it feels unfair. That is what I want to discuss with the solicitor.

I forgot to mention child maintenance would be paid ongoing on top of this and H is very generous when it comes to the children.

With that kind of money involved, you definitely need a solicitor.

Stupid lack of an edit function. I wanted to add that just because you're seeing a solicitor does not necessarily mean your divorce will end up becoming acrimonious. But you need to see someone, at least once, to establish what you're entitled to. Doesn't necessarily mean you have to fight him for every penny that was accrued during your marriage, but you need to know what your rights are. Also, bear in mind that you will need to use some of your settlement money to buy a home for you and the DC to live in. 300K won't buy you very much in many parts of the UK.

Err, lovely, off to a solicitor you go. You do not have to share the entire pot (or claim on his pension - although this is part of the pot).

If you wish to give up more because of guilt, that's okay. However, you should not be guilted into giving up more.

Solicitor - and then you instruct them. You can well afford the legal bill. They will advise you on your entitlement, whether you wish to pursue the full entitlement is up to you, they will just put it in writing that you have been advised and you have declined to accept their advice.

A judge will also ask you to swear to that too. You cannot be bullied into accepting less than an entitlement, you can only consent.

You would be a fool not to get a solicitor in this situation.

I totally agree with PP - with that level of assets you do need to see a solicitor. Although you both sound to be in good professional jobs I would not ignore pensions.

Re: anything paid during marriage is a matrimonial asset - so the use of bonuses to pay down a mortgage during marriage should most certainly benefit you as well.

We had an investment property that I had hoped to be able to keep for our DC in "trust". My ex became so untrustworthy over financial matters and other that this just could not happen. So again you might find a good barrister will ensure that the rental flat is taken into account in the split of marital assets.

Please dont listen to your ex and his family - they do not have your best interests at heart.