Marry with debt, or wait til debt free?

[PenelopePitstops]

DP currently has approx £4k of debt. He has worked hard to reduce it from £8k in 2 years. He is a low earner and it will take another 2 for him to fully clear it. He is on 0% card etc and any spare money goes against it and a regular payment.

He is adamant we shouldn't be engaged or married until he has paid it off. I am not so bothered about it because he is paying it off slowly and has taken responsibility for it.

Background, been together 4 years. Live together in a flat I own. Biological clock ticking for me and issues conceiving.

Oh I took it to read 18 year old ignorance - ie that he didn't understand how the cards worked at 18 years old so went a bit daft.

If they've been building for 18 years that's something else entirely really.

Cross posted sorry.

I think he was 18 years old, not the debt.

IMO, you would be foolish to pay off the debt for him though I appreciate your reasons for wanting to do it.

£4K's worth of debt doesn't sound huge. But maybe he is cautious because he knows he doesn't earn a lot and having a baby will put more financial strain so I can see his point of view. I don't think it's the debt that is the issue here. It's how you will manage and your financial arrangements for day to day living if you have a baby. Can you afford to cover the bills between you. Not to mention childcare.

Imo, if he was serious about paying the debt down more quickly to address your fertility issues, seems to me he'd be doing odd jobs on the side, working weekends, etc to bring in more money so he could speed up the process....instead of just plodding along paying a bit every month.

My concern would be that he's stalling (which obv he's not going to tell you if he's already coming up with excuses - if they are excuses).

Two years is unlikely to make much of a difference to a first child as long as it's actually two years. If it's two and then another two and then another... Different story.

If I were you (and it's easy to say and harder to do), I'd have a time limit myself for moving on. It's up to you whether you choose to share this limit with him.

It's not uncommon for men to feel "too young" for children until they're in their late 30s. It's also not uncommon for some men to fail to accept the limitations of female fertility.

More frank talking will not be wasted here.

And it's the children thing that's important here imo. You can get married when you're 90.

Early bird, I think you have hit the nail. If he really wanted it he could work more and harder to pay it off. He has spent years in a low wage job that he could leave and get a better one. It's frustrating his lack of inertia about it.

I also think he hasn't grasped the 'urgency' of kids. I realise that is badly phrased.

OP - take it from someone who knows.....don't spend time (waste time) with someone who is putting you off for a reason they could change (or help) if they wanted. If he was absolutely determined to get this taken care of so you two can be together/start a family sooner rather than later, he'd be doing everything in his power to speed things up. But he's not. That says a great deal.

As it is, seems he is hiding behind a 'noble idea' of not saddling you with his debt, when really it appears to be a ruse to buy time/delay.

Don't pay the debt off for him. And don't go ahead and get pregnant. You need to have a serious conversation with him, and be very honest with yourself.

Please, OP, if you have fertility problems do not delay having a baby. It is the one thing that will not wait, weddings can happen at any time; in fact if you own property, forget the wedding.
Make sure that you never regret wasting this time in your life, someone very close to me is having to face up to being childless, due to circumstances she has no control over. Think very hard OP, the years go by so quickly and men are not affected in the same way.

There seems to be a big gap between your achievements so far in life.
You bought a flat in your mid 20 (?) He is 36-ish and has a low paid job, a debts and no interest in working harder.
Is this the kind of man you want?