Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Never had a male friend

18 replies

LabrysHolder · 02/08/2014 11:21

Is it weird that I've never had a male friend?

I'm in my late 30s and although I would say I was friends with my ex-husband (odd relationship), that was a bit of an anomaly. I've only dated women since him.

I mentioned to my therapist yesterday that I'd never had a male friend and she seemed to find it strange. I feel like I just don't click with men, I don't 'get' them. They just don't interest me. I wasn't close to my dad, I have a brother who I like well enough but I wouldn't say we were close.

Is it odd?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/08/2014 12:24

Did you go to school with boys? Have you worked with men? Do you come into contact with them via hobbies, sport, other interests? I think it is 'odd' that you haven't found one to connect with, even if it's only from a statistical point of view. They represent 50%-ish of the population, have all kinds of personalities, and to say you don't 'get' men as a homogenous group is very general. Does it bother you especially?

Discotheque · 02/08/2014 12:35

I am exactly the same and it does not bother me in the slightest, I have only ever had romantic relationships with men. I did have one male colleague in a previous job who I got with very well. But though I knew he would like to be friends and invited me to meet his DW, I could not be bothered with that friendship. I like female friend's only and don't bother with men. Nd I don't care what anyone else thinks of that. If you are happy as you are, then it is not an issue

Original poster

LabrysHolder · 02/08/2014 12:38

Thanks for the replies. I have worked with men, and was at primary school with boys, although not secondary. I met men at uni, at parties, through friends etc but never really found anyone I 'got'.
To be honest, it's not like I'm awash with female friends either, but I've always had female good friends, more distant friends and acquaintances.
It doesn't really bother me, it wasn't until my therapist found it odd that I started to think it might be unusual.

OP posts:

AlleyCat11 · 02/08/2014 12:46

My closest friendships have been with men. My best friend as a kid was a boy & I have some great male friends now. I get on well with women too, but a few have said that I think like a man. I suppose I do think it's odd not to have pals of both sexes...

Discotheque · 02/08/2014 12:50

It is not odd at all, it is a personal preference. Don't let anyone make you feel crap about this. I find many people show off about how great they are having friends of the opposite sex, it is not some badge of normality at all

StrawberryCheese · 02/08/2014 12:51

It is a little unusual that you haven't connected with any man on a friendship level but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm pretty rubbish when it comes to making friends, I'm quite shy but I've always felt more comfortable making friends with men than I have women. I think, like alleycat that I think more like a man sometimes.

Branleuse · 02/08/2014 12:54

ive had male friends and all bar one turned out to have ulterior motives and secretly fancy me, so I never seek out male friends now. I like men enough but im always a bit suspicious of platonic friendships

Original poster

LabrysHolder · 02/08/2014 12:55

Interesting thoughts, thank you.

OP posts:

Pinkfrocks · 02/08/2014 13:08

I don't think it's odd and what's more I have never in all my years ( and there are plenty of them) met a woman and man who have a truly platonic friendship.

I've had what I thought were male friends who turned out to be harbouring lustful thoughts, I've had girlfriends who had male friends ( or so they thought) who were lusting and had to walk away or admit their feelings eventually - then walk away. I have a very good friend who has just lost what she thought was a friend and he's walked away due to unrequited love.

so- you are not odd.

Meerka · 02/08/2014 13:30

I - well i want to say I love men, but that might be misunderstood =)

grew up in an almost all-female environment, did not meet men til I was 14. 14 year old boys are a horrible species ime (sorry to the exceptions!) and it was deeply offputting. But at university I met some nice sorts who didn't think only with their cocks, either for sex or for pissing contests. Or at least, they were mature enough to hide it.

Most of my interests except tapestry tend to be male dominated so I can't escape 'em

Having said that, yes some don't have the bloody sense to put their sex drive on one side and appreciate the other person for being themselves. But the ones I mostly hang out with are polite enough to hide any attraction.

Mind you when I was working, it really really was a pisser the number of married men who tried it on. And then blamed me for saying no. Because if there's one thing I don't do is flirt, I loathe sexual politics deeply. Those men can go jump in a swamp. In the end I guess I learned to be guarded at work and out of work, relax, be myself and just tell 'em to piss off.

Pepperwitheverything · 02/08/2014 13:45

I don't have male friends either. I used to have one, who betrayed me horribly, and I felt so utterly let down. Other male friends whom I wasn't as close tobut still considered friends, all turned out to have a different agenda regarding our friendship. I have also heard men talk in quite a disparaging way about women who were in their friendship group...I know these women thought of the men as friends but obviously the men didn't see the women in the same way.

furrlinedsheepskinjacket · 02/08/2014 13:54

I've said this before on here :) - I don't believe in them

always attraction on one side and ends messily

Meerka · 02/08/2014 14:03

attraction is often a damn nuisance :P

I do think that some people behave like you have to act on attraction. No you really don't.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/08/2014 14:41

I haven't made any new male friends in 20 years (I'm mid forties). My male friends date from my school and late teens/early twenties time when we all hung out in a big gang and it was possible to be friends within these big groups as well as more individually.

Since then, I would be happy to have male friends and get on pretty well with men, but it just isn't possible to acquire any without it looking dodgy. To make friends, you have to spend time together, chat about everything, go to lunch a lot, it takes me ages to make a really good friend, I don't rush these things. If I started doing all that with a new man in the office, I really think it wouldn't go down well with their partner or mine and may well be misunderstood. I have lost the best male friend I ever had to the jealousy of his wife and it's gutting really. I do get on well with

So, I think given things are the way they are, it's not unusual not to have lots of male friends. It is a shame though and I'm sure if I had a hobby where there were men, I could make friends (now I'm older and a bit less hot), I also have couple friends where I get on well with the man and that seems the easiest way to socialise with men rather than on your own which may be misunderstood.

museumum · 02/08/2014 14:48

I find it unusual, almost as if you said you'd never had a friend with blue eyes. But I know I am very gender-blind and really don't notice if I'm chatting to men or women half the time, probably because I studies a male-dominated subject at uni and I have some male dominated hobbies (sports). It's only really in baby or pregnancy related circles that I spend time in women-only groups.

chipshop · 02/08/2014 15:43

I sound similar to you. Don't see it as a big deal really. I get on really well with DP's mates, male colleagues etc but my close friends have always been women. I would say I'm pretty feminine in terms of my interests. I don't think it's a coincidence I went for DP, who loves women and has as many close female friends as male.

KouignAmann · 02/08/2014 16:18

Interesting thread OP and has got me thinking.
I am a tomboy and very practical with male type hobbies and sports interests. I like taking on the men in competition and can hold my own. I can do most jobs for myself and don't ask for help on principle. So have lots of mates and am treated as an honorary bloke. But I value my girlfriends too, and the shopping and eating out and trips away with them. Just I never mix the two groups. It's like the two halves don't join up.
How odd! And some of the first group are married to the second group too.
I don't think there is a sexual agenda with my sporty friends, they have seen me in very unglamorous grubby gear and I dont get any weird vibes off them.

Who do you get to do "useful jobs" for you OP? or do you do them yourself?

Original poster

LabrysHolder · 02/08/2014 16:29

Thanks for all the replies. I feel a bit less odd now.

I'm very self-sufficient and do all my own useful jobs KouignAmann.

I don't have particularly girly interests, but then my life is largely taken up with work, house and daughter. I sometimes wonder what I would have done had I had a son. That being said I have a nephew I like very much, and as a teacher I don't have a problem at all with the teenage boys I teach, I find them interesting. Although generally I find teenagers 'easier' than adults because they are more honest and blunt.

OP posts:

Flip