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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheating Husband?

3 replies

brokenplates · 02/08/2014 07:31

Never posted before please help me make sense of this madness.
My Husband has been acting completely out of character not so much now but in the last few months, the trust has gone out of the window so I went into his phone records and checked bank statements and just felt that things didn't add up which has made me paranoid, been checking his phone (I know) when he has gone to bed, nothing but I still had this nagging doubt so on Wednesday I looked through his phone and by mistake I clicked on his name and Google plus was there, never heard of it before so clicked on it and a name came up Text Jemma but then it disappeared then I thought of the time he's been in the kitchen when I was washing up and I saw he was texting someone and because I was looking at him he turned the phone away from me (and still I didn't see the signs) anyway I put the phone back and thought I will have a proper look the night after, not realising that whatever you look at is logged so each morning he can see what I've looked at the night before.
So Thursday night after he had gone to bed I had another look clicked on it and nothing it was still there but you couldn't access it I was mortified why would you disable it if you had nothing to hide,
I wanted to keep quiet but I couldn't and last night I got his phone and asked him what Google Plus was and he said he had never used it, now I know what I saw and he point blank lied to me.
What do I do now? He has cheated once before hence why I am so paranoid now.
He swears blind that he hasn't cheated on me, as he would never put me through that again. I feel so hurt that he'd do it again after the pain I Went through last time.
Thanks for reading it,

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 02/08/2014 07:38

Trust your instincts.

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/08/2014 07:44

'Paranoid' is an irrational fear. What you're experiencing is the inevitable result of taking a cheat back in your life i.e. you don't trust them. Quite rational. Whether they're lying or telling the truth, your natural instinct will be to assume the worst. That's the legacy. If you don't trust someone, save yourself years of continued suspicion and heartache. Don't be in a relationship with them

Cabrinha · 02/08/2014 09:07

I often think - what Cog says. But never moreso than today, I think.
You're not paranoid. Even if he hasn't done anything this time, you're still not paranoid.
This is what he has caused.
If he was innocent this time, the very least he should show now is remorse that he has made you feel this way,
Of course, he doesn't give a shit. Because men that cheat DON'T give a shit about their wives.
Been there, done it.
Can't tell you what a relief it is with my new boyfriend to walk past his phone and not care that I could pick it up for a quick look.
So relieved not to be the paranoid stalky person my ex husband's actions made me.
Don't blame yourself, don't apologise, it's not your fault if his actions have destroyed the trust. Sometimes (most times I think) it can't be fixed.
I'm sorry - it's a horrible way to live.

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