I've left The Manipulator (Victor) thanks to your help

[Funkyannie]

This is a follow on from this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2131899-Victor-Meldrew-warning-a-bit-of-a-rant

11 days ago I had the courage to tell Victor I'm going. I have had the emotional blackmail, lies, promises, threats but I am just so pleased to be escaping I have stood up to it all. Many thanks to the ladies and gent on here who gave me their support and the courage to do it.

This is my 7th attempt and I feel totally different this time, calm and confident that I am doing the right thing. I have found a beautiful flat, far nicer than I thought I would get and I move in next Friday. Most of my small amount of stuff is in storage. I had to fight to get it as Victor didn't think I was entitled to take anything as I was the one ending it. Even the stuff I had moved I with!! He has lied to my parents about me, told lies to me about what they have said about me. Thankfully they now see him in his true colours and are helping me with furniture for my new home.

If I hadn't put that post on here, I really don't think that I would have have had it in me to do it, it made me realise I am not alone in this situation and I can survive, no better than that, I can live a better life alone.

Thank you!

Good luck with your new life

Well done for rejecting him and choosing independence instead. I'm glad you're feeling calm and confident but I note that you're not quite out of the frying pan yet if you're leaving next Friday. So please stay safe and have something in place for when you get the inevitable 'oh no, what have I done?' feelings further down the track. People you can call or be with at short notice.

Good luck

Well done! Just caught up with your other thread, you are well rid!

I have found a lot of support from friends I lost years ago because of him because the contact was cut off. They are happy to be friends again and I have had so many long catch-up conversations. :)

Oh good for you OP, enjoy your new life in your beautiful flat & enjoy reconnecting with all those friends & family you Ex pushed away!

From a fellow funky, I must say I am cock a hoop at your getting your life back. You will have a grand time with and whenever the hell you want them

good luck

I don't beleeeeeeeeive it! Well done Funky! Yay!

Congratulations on your beautiful flat

didn't think I was entitled to take anything as I was the one ending it

XH tried that line. It doesn't hold up legally. If it's your stuff it's your stuff, even if you'd behaved like the biggest bitch on the planet (which you haven't).

Well done! And you can join an Am Dram group now, go cycling, do whatever you want.

How bloody marvellous - it must feel like a whole new life OP. So pleased for you.

Wow amazing!! Congratulations, you must be on cloud 9

Time to enjoy life now! X

I was this morning. Just moving final bits out now and feeling a bit weepy and vulnerable. Luckily Mum is here so can't say anything daft to Victor like I want to stay, but she's about as comforting as a wet weekend, never had any empathy.

keep strong, there'll be wobbly times but give it a bit of time and I bet you feel like you've moved from a claustrophobic cupboard to the big fresh moors.

You are worth way more than him. I bet he's really annoyed at loosing his pet housekeeper-with-shags

YAY!! :) :)

Pfft, so your mothers' a mini-Victor. Presumably she's being of practical help, so never mind. After she's gone, pour yourself a glass of something and come on here to dump your grief , anxiety, hopes, and everything. It's normal ... you're fine!

Hi Meerka, funny you should say that. If I have mentioned that maybe we could stay friends, after his pestering, the 1st thing he has mentioned after that is that we could still have sex, to relieve tension, etc. etc., it makes me feel like that is always what he has only ever really wanted from me. This makes me more determined to never see him again.

He has been blackmailing me the past few days, if I stay in the house all my stuff can stay till I move into the flat so I don't have to double move everything. if I stay at my Mums, my stuff has to be out the house the same day. Needless to say I have got it out as quickly as possible into a neighbours garage and storage and am staying at my Mums and will happily move it again next week! What an idiot.

Ps I don't understand all the abbreviations, is there a translating page somewhere??? :)

at the top, between where it says Mumsnet Talk in big black letters and the blue Topics >> Relationships, theres 2 lines of blue type with various links. One is to abbreviations. Not all of them are there, but if you post any that aren't given there Im sure someone can help.

Congrats on your new, mean-spirited tosspot-free life =)

Hello Funkyannie, I am so glad that you have found a flat and have moved out ! Stay strong, you have no reason to stay in contact with your ex. Spend some time on your own, meet some old friends and make some new ones. Suggest join some clubs, do some voluntary work, if you can afford go on holiday, enjoy your new life ! In a year your life may have changed for the better in a 100% positive way and you will look back and think why didnt you escape earlier !

Take time to find yourself and be happy with yourself

Good luck x

Hello Funkyannie, it would be good to hear some updates from you over the next few weeks, months, let us know how your life has improved

stay strong x

Very happy to hear this Good luck OP.

You can't stay friends with this man because it doesn't sound like he ever regarded you as a friend in the first place. Glad you're seeing through his continued attempts to exert control. So important to put distance between you. He's the sort of ex that you have to place in a sturdy box marked 'The Past' and bury very deep at the bottom of the mental garden.

Blimey, annie, so even as you're leaving he's still trying to manipulate you (about 'being prepared to keep your stuff there if you stay there' - er, that's called not moving out yet!!) Surely that's confirmation, if you needed it, that you're doing the right thing - he's offering you nothing at all !

Everything is out and I'm tucked up in bed at my Mums feeling pretty damn awesome. Just spent a fortune on Wilkos online buying the necessities but I had saved up some money for this so enjoyed it. New life here I come!

Good for you, Funkyannie. Really, really well done. Your wonderful, independent life starts right now. Onwards and upwards.

If he's true to type, this won't be the last you've seen of him. Please be prepared.

Just to say that's great.

All the best in your new improved life. :)

Really glad for you! Well done!