Fallout not speaking

[Mini05]

Partner and I had a disagreement on Sunday! Since then we have not been talking only when we have too.

I don't see why I should again say let's talk and sort this out(as he would just sweep it under the carpet as usual)it's getting it's nearly every month we fall out and I'm so mad I can't talk to him. So he does exactly the same, and were like to stranger in the the house nod body talking .

I'm fed up with it
Why should I back down again,(I know you wil say I'm childish) but he want discuss things because he says I shout(which I do, because I know he's talking shit) as I have to agree with him seems I can't have my opinion, if I do we fall out as we can't agree. Were both stubborn(which doesn't help)

So it's a week nearly, no speaking hardly.
I've still made the teas, he still washed dishes.
He's gone out mon,weds, to tennis and tonight don't know seems he can't stay in with the atmosphere!

This is pathetic were in our 50's, it's happening that often now I'm getting more stubborn to start the talking as all he says is "I'm not arguing" if I say let's try and sort this out. That's why it keeps happening because he would rather sweep it under the carpet than sort it out(which we can never do, as we never agree)

What do I do???

It is now getting me down!

I wonder how he sees you in all of this? Must be a bloody nightmare. He is childish. You both seem it but I guess it takes two. Very difficult, don;t give in I say

Chuck him out, sounds a right pain in the arse.

Sorry I'm not good at this, didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

What did you argue about?

I could've written your post about my exH op!

I am very much a blow up, calm down quick person who then wants to talk / apologise / make up.

My exH comes from a family of sulkers and wou

Sorry pressed send.

He would sulk for days. Then, when he was ready to talk, he wouldn't want to talk about the issue so it never got resolved and festered until the next row. And so the cycle began again.

At first the sulks used to upset me and I would placate him just to stop the bad atmosphere. After 10 years I thought "fuck this for a game of soldiers! Why is it always me backing down?" And I stopped bothering to placate him. Left him to sulk and ignored him and his silly behaviour.

He is my ex now.

Not sure that's helpful but just wanted to say I know just how you feel

It sounds like communications have completely failed and particular topics trigger a knee-jerk response i.e. you get angry and he goes silent. Expect the disagreements are over something relatively trivial and that the OTT reaction is symptomatic of bigger unsolved problems in the relationship. Where there is a lot of underlying resentment or dissatisfaction, it often bubbles up into this kind of acrimonious behaviour.

If you can't talk kindly to each other and resolve disagreements constructively I'm afraid you don't have much of a chance. Have you considered couples counselling?

Smacks of passive-aggressiveness... Unfortunately it is known to become worse...

but he want discuss things because he says I shout(which I do, because I know he's talking shit)

Therefore there isn't much point in him talking if that's what you think.

Why do you both bother?

Cog
I agree exactly what you've written!

But he will never back track to what we disagree with, he would rather carry on like it's not been said and prob because I don't agree with him.
So yes there are underlining issues in that "he never tries to resolve the matter" hence dissatisfaction.

Today he received a letter regarding his dad's power of attoney problems in the family with it!
He's text his sister to tell her
Don't ring the house, only text/ring me on mobile
Then said that way I can shut her up(when she goes on bit of a chatter)

How's that for control!!

Don't know how to resolve this, any advice?

As far as I can see there's no resolving this. You won't back down and be the first to speak, and if you did he's not willing to address the fundamental difficulties you are both experiencing.

I'd be wanting to lay it on the line: either you both attempt to resolve what's happening and do it civilly with the intention to fixing this or you part.

This is no way to live, it really isn't. Sometimes it's better to live alone in peace and tranquility than to endure the hell that being together now is.

What about telling him that discussing an issue is not the same thing as having an argument but that his refusal to discuss important things is not acceptable to you.

Can you suggest a conversation with 'rules'? no shouting, no interrupting and no telling the other person that they don't feel what they feel - for example.

Or is it that he won't even let you speak?

I suppose you could say that you find it so objectionable that it actually is a make or break issue for you and you question whether a relationship can survive if you aren't allowed to talk about things that trouble you.

I think the only way you resolve these things is to talk and listen to each other. If you can't do that individually, this is when couples counselling can be useful. If you can't agree to counselling then you might as well cut your losses.

Do you have any children together? Are they exposed to this pantomime?