Power struggle

[Gogglepox]

My husband and I are going through a separation. Whilst we sort out separate housing our children (3, 5) are staying with my PILs. They are having a lot of fun with them but it means that we only see them on weekends because we both work FT in another city.

It is the first weekend we've been back and I put the girls to bed at the PILs. They sleep in a room with a bunk bed (where they sleep) and a queen bed (where I sleep, my H stays in a different room).

Tonight the girls said they didn't like the bunk bed so I said they could sleep in the queen bed together (and I was going to sleep on the bottom bunk).

My H found out about this and moved our 3 year old to the bunk bed (in tears) and WOKE our 5 year old up to move her to the bunk bed. Both girls were wailing.

He then yelled at me saying that everything has been working fine here at bedtimes and that I've messed up the routine and I'm going to make it harder for his parents and that I was out if line.

He thought I moved them to the big bed so I could sleep with them but I explained that I was going to sleep on the bottom bunk.

He continued to yell (I think partially for his parents benefit) and left the room.

I then came into the room and the girls would not settle so I thought fuck it I may as well sleep with them so I moved them back to the big bed and now they're sleeping peacefully but I said they had to go back to their normal bunk bed tmrw.

I didn't try to mess up any routine but the fact that he woke my eldest up, he was making a point that I needed to adhere to their schedule

If he finds out the girls aren't in their bed he will LOSE IT!!!

I'm all for routine but don't you think it was extreme for him to move the girls? He knew they would cry so I think he may have done it for the drama.

Fun and games! It's going to be a loooong weekend!

Be glad you're separating from this man. Poor kids, being away from you both I guess they are a bit unsettled when they come home. In the grand scheme of things, as long as everyone has a place to sleep what's his problem. He was horrible to do this to them and you.

Your relationship has broken down, everyone is upset & your living arrangements are artificial. In that kind of stressful powder-keg environment, tempers are going to fray over the most trivial of things. Rather than petty point-scoring and accusations of power battles, I think the pair of you should sit down, agree to bury the hatchet and expedite the housing arrangements. Your DCs deserve better

Our children are with their grandparents until the end if the summer and then we will have housing sorted by the end of August ready for school starting.

The next thing is sorting out childcare during school terms (pick ups from school) in the new city so I need the month to sort that out.

Last night my H peeked in our bedroom to "check" our children's sleeping arrangements (I pretended I was sleeping) so no doubt he will raise that again when he finally drags his lazy ass out of bed sometime today. I'm angry that he checked up on us. He's a bit of a control freak.

In the back of my head I think "only a few more weeks" then we will both be sorted in our own houses so yes, I shouldn't sweat the small stuff because it will be over soon but it is so hard not to get dragged into it.

Could you possibly have alternative arrangements for the children?

All hell would break lose with me if anyone disturbed my children's sleep because they were not sleeping where they were "supposed to".

If he's not happy with those arrangements, he can sleep with them and wake up in the night if they do, and you sleep in the separate room.

Chair under the door when you're in there.
Peeking indeed!
How on earth is this the only way you can sort accommodation?
If your family home has been given up, can't you and he alternate the time that you are at PIL, staying with friends or other family? Following the pattern of the new access arrangements perhaps?
Potentially a month of this could REALLY make the divorce stress worse for everyone :(