Would prefer casual sex but how?

[takingfive]

I have been separated for 4 years, divorced for 2. I initiated the split but only because living with him had become so unbearable that I was a mess. I had hoped we might be able to sort things out but there was no way back in the end.

So, other men were absolutely off the agenda and I thought I would be able to live like this at least until DS was older. However, just recently I've become more sociable and got to know a new group of people including a married man (his wife doesn't share our hobby). Anyway, long story but I've been very tempted and this has made me realise how much I miss sex. However, I don't want another relationship, I'm not ready for the commitment.

I have pushed this man away, I do not want to be an OW. But I really need sex in my life. Having not dated for 25 years I am very out of touch and what are the rules now? Do "fuck buddies" really exist? What can I do?

Hi Talking yeah they do exist. My partner was supposed to be a O.N.S. Then we moved on to being fuck buddies and now we are trying for a baby so obviously more serious. But if serious is not what you are looking for why not try Craigslist or if you have the money you could hire an escort.
Good luck.

Plenty of people who use OD are not interested in permanent or exclusive relationships. FWIW 'fuck buddies' often looks better on paper than it can be in practice. If you go that route you have to be very detached and unemotional about it, and it's not something everyone can do.

Sorry to hear about your ex. For safety reasons I think that I is better to derive these from friendships/social circles aot to internet adverts.

Yes fuck buddies exist but its a difficult dynamic to maintain. Works better with someone who is a friend who is similarly not interested on pursuing a relationship. Otherwise you have to really just go for the one night stand or OD approach but obviously those carry risks.

Talking, yes they do exist. Relationships can be anything the 2 (or more I suppose!) of you decide works; communication is very important. You could try what I did and go on Plenty of Fish asking for "dating but nothing serious" (something like that). Just be clear what you want and don't take any shit from anyone. After a while you'll develop your own tosser radar for separating the wheat from the chaff, for example I discounted anyone who just introduced themselves with "hey" or called me "babe". Thankfully no-one sent me a cock picture because they wouldn't have stood a chance. Even though you just want casual sex doesn't mean they can treat you badly/be flaky, either before you meet or afterwards, always remember that. Keep your guard up so you don't get hurt.

Try OkCupid and Tinder. You may find the odd guy on Plenty of Fish that is looking for casual sex. You can set your preferences accordingly on POF!

I was offered casual sex by a guy on Ok Cupid last week!

Unfortunately my friendship circle isn't very big so I will probably have to go online. But I would prefer to get to know someone first and for them to be a regular partner just not a relationship as such. It's a fine balance. Maybe I'm being naive.

Ok, just looked at craigslist. Definitely naive. Gonna take some courage to do this, I think.

Casual things are generally not regular. They can also not involve anything 'date like', maybe one drink then off you go... Be very sure that's what you want. If I were you I would just start dating. No one wants to rush into commitment anyway, do they??

I agree with NiceUp go on a few internet dates rather than try an FB set up straight away.

To make an FB set up work and avoid messy one-sided feelings developing you need to be really strict about not bonding with him etc. it's extremely difficult. I can do it - just - but a lot of people can't. You need to be completely honest with each other about the set up. In the beginning I'd avoid going to dinner and 'getting to know' each other as this is how feelings start to develop.

If you really only want sex then you need to meet in a public place (bar or similar) to see if you find each other attractive (some use Skype for the first 'interview'). You need to listen to your gut instincts/twat radar and decide if you're happy to be alone with him. I'm up front and ask if they've ever been violent with a woman. I figure that how he responds will tell me more than what he says. Having had a couple of drinks to settle nerves it's off to your agreed venue.

Afterwards you need to get up straight away. No lying around, snuggling, chatting. This is when your hormones do their worst otherwise and the oxytocin starts flowing. In a woman this is very powerful and starts to bond you with your mate. Your job is to fight that. Most women think they can lie there and chat and then a few weeks later they're wailing because they've bonded and are checking for texts every five minutes and he's in FB mode.

You also have to accept you're probably not the only one he's seeing.

To be successful you really have to be that clinical.

Wow thanks, BeforeAndAfter. Whole new world!

I'd completely back up what BeforeAndAfter says. I've been doing this stuff for about a year now (and blogging some of the disasters!).

I would be very wary about CraigsList - IME the people on there can be really unreliable.

I've found that OKCupid is fairly good (better results if you approach the guy rather than the other way round).

Swinger sites such as Adult Friend Finder or SDC have lots of single men who are 'up for a bit' too. Again, the better results seem to come from people you approach, not vice versa.

If you set up a profile as a single female you will get BOMBARDED with messages, mainly by complete idiots.

Take things slowly, have v tight search (and filtering) parameters, don't be drawn into extended messaging with guys who will probably never meet up, and look for advice on your site's forum, as scammers try loads of tricks.

Good luck - you can have loads of fun, meet some cool people and you will wise up VERY quickly :)