Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Define 'Single Parent'

42 replies

HanselandGretel · 01/08/2014 11:29

Posted this on Lone Parents but also think it might be relevant for this thread and would be interested to see what others think -

I'm live on my own with my children, no partner. To me that's whats classed as a single parent.

When I was OD some guys would say they were 'single dads', yet on speaking to them further it turns out they don't live with their kids just see them as per arrangements with the mum.

There was also someone who has sole custody of his child but is living with a partner for a few years yet still calling themselves a 'single dad' ....to me that's curious as they are no longer 'single' and are very much parenting with their partner who has loads of input.
It rankles with me a bit to call yourself a single parent but have all the luxuries of a live-in relationship....

OP posts:

InSummer · 02/08/2014 11:12

Has this happened fairly recently for you? We've been alone for 6 years.

In my experience, sod other people's expectations. They should be greatful you've managed to get up and function because it's like going to hell and back. You focus on your lovely DD and your life together. x x x

Original poster

HanselandGretel · 02/08/2014 11:13

I've only really heard the term 'LP' in relation to benefits, in that case it covers those living on their own with kids, whether they have input or contact with the non resident parent. So that seems in a way to define a SP.

Those who live on their own but the other parent has the kids a couple of nights , weekends etc are still in my mind SP's. It's when a partner moves in I think then you are a SP in name only as you are not parenting 'alone'.
at the case up thread where the woman called herself a SP for 3 years with a partner in the house!

The single dad I knew talks about his 'partner' this and his 'partner' that, 'our cars' and 'our holidays' but when it suits he whines about being a single dad who works hard as 'a single dad' and calls other single parents lazy for not working full time and they are screwing the taxpayer etc....the partner, who has no kids has a well paid job and they do it all together, he's not been on his own with the child apart from a period of a few months early on. Fires me up no end.

OP posts:

getthefeckouttahere · 02/08/2014 11:29

I burst out laughing when my ex dp called herself a single parent. I have the kids a minimum 50% of the time. I take then to and from school everyday and we are both very involved and committed to our kids. ( probably more do than when married as an over compensation mechanism)
I have never thought of myself as a single parent and was very surprised that she would.
I do agree that for od it is shorthand to let people know that you have a certain kind if life and responsibilities around your kids.
I have noted several friends (mainly female fwiw) who use the term somehow as a badge of honour and seem to mention the fact with alarming regularity.
As with most things in life it's proof that labels are more trouble than they're worth!!

Lumineer · 02/08/2014 11:36

I have a friend who is a single parent or calls herself so, but has bought a house jointly with her new partner. The DD calls the partner "Daddy" as the XH is not around. He pays most of the mortgage and my friend works part-time whereas he has a city type full time job.

She went to hell and back when the XH left her when the baby was 3 weeks old but is really happy now. I'm really glad for her.

But what sort of rankles is that here is Australia, single parents get priority in childcare so although some parents at our school have been on the wait list for after school care for literally years, she has jumped right to the top of the queue.

I wouldn't really define her as a single parent any more.

thornrose · 02/08/2014 11:44

InSummer just over 4 years, thanks, you're right.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 12:20

I'm a single parent in that I do not have a romantic/sexual relationship with my DS' father, and he doesn't live with me and DS. However, he's a very involved, very good dad and sees DS at least twice a week most weeks (and contributes financially). He and I are co-parents and good friends - all 3 of us are off on a family outing tomorrow.

Wrapdress · 02/08/2014 16:04

I hear dads refer to themselves as "custodial father" or "non-custodial father" more than "single dad" - which really doesn't always explain how often they have the kids. Maybe sometimes "part-time dad" but that seems weird.

I rarely if ever hear the term "lone parent" where I am. I thought that was a regional term or something.

lasslancashire · 02/08/2014 19:31

To me a single parent is a lone parent (a term I never actually hear IRL). I would have classed my mum as a single parent. My dad walked out on us and never got involved with us again, she had no support from him financially/emotionally, anything. She was a single parent.

If both parents are involved in the childrens lives, no matter how minimal then I don't see how one parent can be classes as a single/lone parent. They are co-parenting not lone parenting.

Original poster

HanselandGretel · 02/08/2014 19:39

If only it were so lass, co-parenting implies a good relationship with the children's ex, sadly that's not possible for lots of us due to various reasons, in mine, ex being a controlling bully so I very much parent alone yet he does see them and does his own version of parenting.

I think being the one at home looking after them for the bulk of the time does constitute being a 'single parent'.

OP posts:

plinth · 02/08/2014 19:43

Yep it pisses me off when I read on here "basically a single parent" because OH works away all week, or whatever.

An SP is the resident parent without a live in partner.

If my ex called himself a SP I'd piss myself laughing. As the NRP he's barely a parent never mind a "single parent"

Lally112 · 02/08/2014 19:46

Some of these are quite interesting, One of my close friends would technically be described as a single parent under some of these conditions despite not being. Her DH is in the forces and is away for long periods of time, often with little or no contact with his wife or children though obviously not through his own choosing.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 19:52

I think we maybe do need some new terms. Because some people are not living with the other bio-parent of the DC but that other parent is involved, supportive etc and the parents are on amicable terms despite not being in a couple-relationship; some people have no contact with other parent of DC because that other parent is either lazy, selfish and has disappeared, or is a danger to the DC and therefore prohibited from seeing them. But some people in the situation of no-contact-with-other-bio-parent have partners, sometimes partners who they live with or have married, so they are not exactly single even though there is no relationship with DC's other parent.

LynseyPynsey · 02/08/2014 20:21

I would class myself as a single parent as I have a son and I am not in a relationship

sezamcgregor · 02/08/2014 22:01

A single parent does not have a partner who provides financial and emotional support.

If a partner is living with the family and he does not provide financial or emotional support - I'd question why they are living together.

To co-parent, as pp's have said, a good relationship between the parents needs to exist, which is rare in my experience.

I do not class the non-resident parent as a single parent.

Going to read the thread now....

sezamcgregor · 02/08/2014 22:13

I assumed that the term "Lone Parent" was the new PC terminology as it's now used by the JobCentre etc

I don't think there's any difference between single parent or lone parent, we're all trapped in the house by ourselves once the DC are in bed.

As Gingerbread say:

"Single Parents - You're Great!!"

Cabrinha · 02/08/2014 22:29

For me personally, single parent carries an implication that the other parent is no longer involved, or barely involved. Less that once a week overnight, say.

I wouldn't use it to describe myself. Tbh, I don't think I've been in a position where I've needed /wanted to say that I'm on my own. Only some school communication type stuff where I just say "her father and I are divorced" or "I am divorced". I can describe the situation where relevant - but I don't need a label.

mipmop · 03/08/2014 02:03

sezamcgregor Sat 02-Aug-14 22:13:27

I don't think there's any difference between single parent or lone parent, we're all trapped in the house by ourselves once the DC are in bed.

Succinct and to the point!

Flip

1 2