Do you ask for permission to go for nights out with friends?

[moonshine123]

Just out of curiosity does anyone ask for permission from Partner or Husband etc for going on nights out with friends, girls nights out etc? x

[MrsPnut]

We share an online calendar so if one person puts an event in then it pops up on the other person's straight away, this gives them the chance to point out a clash.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Just to clarify he only hates me going out on big nights out, drinking, clubbing until 3 kind of night. Anything else he's fine!

[WipsGlitter]

I just tell him!

[FrankSaysNo]

No we both double check the other doesn't have a clashing event. BUt first one to ink the calender gets first dibs

[moonshine123]

I think its because he was married once before and his wife cheated on him which in turn makes him paranoid x

[didiimaginethis]

Not permission, as others have said I just let him know I'm going out on x date and that he will be in to babysit.
Before DS I would just say I'm going out on x date

[FrankSaysNo]

No, it's because he is controlling. Thats probably why his wife sought solace elsewhere. He's giving you the red flag - take it and run

[goingloombandcrazy]

No I don't ask permission but I consult as to whether anything else planned.

[purpleroses]

Do you go out together much? I think it's important to do that too. But he shouldn't have a problem with you having the odd night out without him, especially if it's just catching up with girl friends.

My friend used to have a BF who was a bit like your DP. We got round it by meeting early evening for a drink and a good catch up and he would often come to join us later on. Though they didn't have kids then and lived next door to the pub so that was a bit easier I guess than it might be for you.

[hamptoncourt]

This is a Huge Red Flag OP.

He is using what happened allegedly in his marriage to control your behaviour and excuse his own.

Are you seeing less of your friends an family? Does he not like them?

I would get the hell out of dodge before you get really stuck with this creep.

[moonshine123]

No I still see my family but rarely friends, I always just thought as we were growing up as friends we were all doing separate things, kids etc, but more a more I see my friends enjoying them selves though facebook etc. I think they have stopped asking as I always say no, pathetic really xx

[Egghead68]

This isn't good. Start going out again. Don't ask.if he doesn't like it he knows what he can do.

[LittlePrawn]

Have you asked him why he doesn't like you going out without him?

Does he go on nights out without you?

I don't ask for permission and neither does my partner. We don't have kids so we don't have to work around childcare.

[MaryWestmacott]

Why are you paying for his exW's mistakes?

Does he go out without you? Do you often go out with other couples and are they predominately his friends?

[SocksRock]

No, never permission. But I do check he isn't out as we can't really leave the kids on their own...

[moonshine123]

No he doesn't go out without me, always together as a couple only. He says its not me he doesn't trust but other men and rumours that can start for example I could be seen speaking with some guy and by the time it got back to him I was kissing this guy?

I don't know, just feeling quite low and isolated really x

[QisforQcumber]

Nope. Usually "Are you on call xxx?" "No" "cracking I'm going out"

Doesn't work the other way around though as DH doesn't "go out", he has friends over but never actually goes anywhere with them. He likes to be at home.

[pictish]

You say he's paranoid because of his ex as if that's a reasonable and understandable thing, which makes me sad.

Why on earth should you be curtailed because of something that someone else did? That's not fair.

And in answer to your question in the OP - no, of course I don't ask permission to go out.
Like everyone else here, I notify for the sake of courtesy, but it's never an issue.

How many people posting here, or their partners, do you think have been cheated on in the past? I'd guess at a fair few.
Your dh is not justified in holding you to ransom because of what his ex wife did. It's a form of control.

[QisforQcumber]

Oh I'm a lair. He goes paintballing about twice a year!

[pictish]

He says its not me he doesn't trust but other men and rumours that can start for example I could be seen speaking with some guy and by the time it got back to him I was kissing this guy?

Tosh. I talk to people when I go out, including men, and no such thing has ever happened.

[sonjadog]

He doesn't trust you. It doesn't matter what other men want if you say no, does it? You don't have to do anything with them just because they want to.

The rumour argument makes no sense.

[Lottapianos]

Not good moonshine. I had a boyfriend who hated me going out without him - he was extremely paranoid and controlling and it was a horrible relationship that wore me down. Your bloke 'doesn't trust other men' and is 'worried about rumours'? I'm highly insulted on your behalf! He needs to manage his own paranoia, not project it on to you.

[pictish]

You feel low and isolated because your husband isn't nice, and he doesn't want you to have a life outside of him.

[ChangeIsNear]

I don't ask permission, just tell. But if I need him to look after DC then I'll ask him if he's free.

[MaryWestmacott]

To never go out on the off chance you might innocently talk to a man who someone else decided to lie to your DP that you'd be snogging him is a bizare situation!

He either is lying about really being this paraniod and stressed by you going out and potentially having an affair in order to isolate and control you, or he's telling the truth and he has mental health problems and needs help.

Do you go out and about in the day without him? Do you work? Does he realise you will talk to men in your daily life?