How long did it take you to feel completely comfortable around someone?

[Doobiedoobedoobie]

I've been seeing someone for about 4 months now, we are very much 'dating' rather than anything more serious ATM, we see each other once a week max due to childcare commitments (we are both single parents).

It's all going well, lots of chemistry, he's kind and funny, sex is great etc etc BUT I just don't feel that confident around him . He's quite successful and very confident where I'm socially awkward and can be quite shy with new people.

I thought at first that over time I'd relax and open up a bit but we're a few months down the line and that doesn't seem to be happening. If anything, it's getting worse tbh, I feel like I'm saying stuff in my head all the time before I say it out loud so it doesn't come out the wrong way iyswim, simple easy stuff like what my favourite meal is?!

I guess I'm wondering whether this is natural due to my personality and the fact that I fancy him or whether it's pretty much a given that we're not going to work out. I'm very attracted to outgoing, confident men but it's a case of opposites attract I guess, EXDH was more introverted like me and the chemistry was never really there. I just feel like he's not really seeing the real me at all, I've spent a lovely couple of weeks with dp friends/ family having fun and thinking he hasn't seen this charismatic side to my personality at all, if I were him I'd think I was really dull!

Maybe I just need to get really bloody drunk with him one day

Doobie I'm exactly like this! Always go for the super confident types but am very awkward socially and if I really fancy someone I can barely speak to them! I felt like such a social burden to my DH when I met him.

Have no helpful advice but you aren't alone!

Do you feel you have put him on a pedestal op? Like you feel he is 'better' than you?
We all want to impress in new relationships if we like the person, but if its to the detriment of you being able to be yourself then it's not so healthy. Do you think you have esteem issues; is there an inner voice going 'don't say that it's stupid' and the like?
Are you getting the vibe he is into you or do you feel you haven't 'won him over' yet?

I don't feel like he's 'better' than me, no, though id rather be around him at a party I know I'm a nice person, and fun to be around, it just takes me a white to get there around other people. All my good friends are people who have been in it for the long hail iyswim, I have lots of acquaintances but unless I see people a lot of times they don't really see the 'real' me as I'm just too awkward in most social situations.

I do, definitely have that 'you're going to fall over/ say something stupid' voice, yes!

As to how he feels about me, I truly don't know . We've never had an 'us' chat and that's fine. I know he fancies me. But beyond that I'm not sure, I do feel like I get mixed messages at times, for example he doesn't text every day or anything but then will make comments about us doing stuff months down the line. No idea!

Long haul that is

Plus countless grammatical errors... Sorry, must preview!

watching with interest for any tips. i have the same problem. always rehearsing what im going to say and then sounding silly anyway or later thinking 'why didn't.i.say/ do that ?' . as time goes on its getting worse as i put more pressure on myself to 'prove' im interesting!! acting generallly very awkward , bumping into things, shaking and finding eye contact unbearable - but i really like this guy! it makes no sense.

You're over-thinking it all. Probably because you only see him once a week, so you've got too much time on your hands to think stuff over.

He didn't dump you after the first date, and he's talked about doing things together in the future, so it's all good. After only eight dates him fancying you is good enough. Try to loosen up and have fun. That's what dating is supposed to be about.

Have been in a very similar situation. Spoiled a really positive start by talking the talk full of bravado and all that to begin with then it slowly ebbed away as me the intovert re-appeared. I am naturally shy aswell, Be careful as if you are feeling low in confidence it could come across as mixed signals. Distract yourself in the meantime and feel good about yourself! . I really should listen to my own advice.

Im like you aswell very shy at first Ive had dates with guys who have been the total opposite of me and ive felt so uncomfortable always feel got to watch what I say etc.

I know its no good basis for a relationship but my serious 3 relationships I had a big drinking session with them right at the start not encouraging drinking but think it gave me that confidence to feel comfortable round them