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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OH and my ex grrr

7 replies

crazylady321 · 30/07/2014 12:27

Hi, just wondering if I am making a big deal over this and should tell OH how I feel about it.

I had this ex when my eldest dd was a baby and had split from her dad I got with a guy who I fell for madly, was with his 6 months only but he made a big mockery of me. Cheating, lying, taking drugs after split up he used to watch my house and would drive away when he knew he was seen, he knew I was madly in love with him and would play on it. Would tell me hed been in an accident to try get me to come see him etc. Then took great pleasure in knocking on my door he had got a girl pregnant while with me was fuming.... Anyway im not as nieve as I was then and I do think im a bloody idiot. Ive kind of left it in the past but I still feel very embarrased and feel discusted I let him act like this.

Anyway always try my best to ignore him when see him about, eventually he stopped bothering me once he knew I was back with dds dad. Been with OH 15 months and one day about a year ago we drove past the ex and OH beeped him, I was actually mortified. I was honest with him and told him I was with him years ago and gave him the basics of what happened I didnt go into detail about how much he hurt me or anything like that I hate people knowing how stupid I was. He said he knows him through a mutual friend but wasnt mates so said I wouldnt have to worry.

Been browsing fb and I noticed a status yesterday from OHs mate who is also friends with ex and they had both commented and having a full blown convo about me, well not exactly about me but congratulating him on the pregnancy and he asked how my dd was doing. I got a shiver down me I feel so upset im going to have to tell him how I feel.

HoW can I tell him how I feel about it, without it seeing like Im overly bothered. Ifyswim Sad

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2014 13:27

I'm a little lost. Who is it you want to tell how you feel? Your partner?

Nomama · 30/07/2014 13:33

So your OH and his friend (who is not your ex but knows him) are chatting about your kids, bump and hatched...

... because the friend knows an ex and you are embarrassed you want to tell OH something you have already discussed and he has reassured you it won't be an issue as he isn't mates with your ex...

... do you really think you are not overly bothered? It sounds as though you have a remaining niggle about something. You might need to work out exactly what it is that 'actually mortifies' you before you have that conversation. Or you may come across a little less rational than you'd want to!

rollonthesummer · 30/07/2014 13:38

I'm a bit baffled-can you explain exactly who is who and why you're upset?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2014 13:40

TBH it sounds what I call an 'Ambridge' problem i.e. all the protagonists live far too close together and everyone's got a connection with everyone else in the village.

Twinklestein · 30/07/2014 13:51

So about a year ago your partner beeped an ex, you told him you'd once been an item, he told you not to worry.

Now a mate of your partner had a conversation with your ex on facebook mentioning your pregnancy?

Not sure what the problem is...

TonyThePony · 30/07/2014 13:56

I think it's the OH's friends' status that OH and ex have started talking to each other on, making OP uncomfortable

I think it's just pleasantries though, it's not as if they're best friends, hanging out in person.

Just tell your OH that it makes you uncomfortable or delete facebook, it only brings hassle because of how ex treated you.

crazylady321 · 30/07/2014 22:13

Doesnt matter sorted it thanks anyway.

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