I don't event know if I love DH anymore

[AlwaysHopeful]

Is it possible to fall back in love?

We have been struggling for ages with romantic connection. We get on perfectly well functionally, have loads in common in terms of interests, he loves me, loves his children and I don't want to separate but all of a sudden I've realised that deep down I just fell out of love with him a long time ago.

There is a history of what you might call low level emotional abuse which, once I realised what was happening, I've been coaching him out of. If I point out to him he's being controlling, or contrary, or manipulative, he listens and accepts it. Gradually over the past couple of years he has got better.

I think I'm just left with someone I know inside out, who has exhausted me emotionally and I just can't find a scrap of romantic inclination in me.

Has anyone been in this situation and get back to the bed of roses? I really don't want to separate but I don't want to live a lie either.

I am not surprised you are doubting your feelings for him!

It sounds like you have had to overcome a lot to make this relationship work. Fwiw you shouldn't have to 'train' your partner not to emotionally abuse you.

I have not been in the same situation, although I left a man after 3 years who was a total abusive arse, it wasn't too serious in the first place. I wouldn't consider wasting anymore of my life on someone like that.

If he is draining you, don't bother about him!

Hi always. That sounds depressingly like us. I'm so sorry you are both going through this, especially you as I get how exhausting it is. No advice to offer I'm afraid but just to let you know that you're not alone.
Take care. Once you've opened the Pandoras box of seeing how things really are it's no longer possible to pretend ime but it sounds as if he's willing to work on things and change.
Good luck

Thank you. That's exactly what it feels like - opening the Pandora's box. But they say in order to resolve an issue you need to acknowledge it. I just really want to make it work. If it was a practical thing, I know we could do it, but you can't create love, can you?

I think it's a mistake to get in a relationship with someone who is 90% OK and think you can mould the missing 10% to be what you want. You seem to be saying that he continues to be controlling or manipulative etc and that he only improves when you pick him up on it. That doesn't sound like someone who is taking the initiative to be kind and decent.... more that they keep pushing the boundary until you tell them to stop. Not surprised you're fed up with it.

I think you are finding that the emotional abuse during the relationship has drained you to the point you don't have any feelings left, sorry but I'd imagine it's time to move on to a better life without him as he appears to be the root cause of your unhappiness, staying regardless doesn't change anything.