Hi, I need to make a decision by tomorrow because of court dates as to whether or not to stay in my marriage.
I have been married for 16 years and found out last june dh was having an affair. I kicked him out, he came out, I kicked him out again and he came back again.
I managed to get to speak to ow at the end of September and the whole truth came out. He had been trying to get her back since they split up. The intensity of the affair, he had apparently fell head over heels for her. His words. As it turned out everything he had told her about his life was a complete lie, nothing he told her about himself or his life had been true. I am so glad I got the chance to tell her who he really is and what he is. She couldn't believe how stupid she'd been to fall for his lies. He refused to tell her that he loved me and didn't love her so I got some guts about myself and kicked him out. This time I had no tears and felt free. He has been a controlling husband etc etc etc.
However a month later he moved back in, even though I told him I didn't want him to. Then came the usual promises. I know for a fact he has had no contact her, I shall admit to spying and listening to all his calls, but I don't think he is over her.
He never touches me, kisses me or looks at me. He wants sex daily but hey hes a man, I know that doesn't mean anything. In other ways, I can see he has made big efforts, but to me it seems his heart just isn't in it. Previously, he has always been a touchy feely person.
This affair has changed him, me and taken away the security of my youngest son. He is always worried if we have an argument we are going to split up, hes always asking who's on the phone, where are you going.
I have brought this issue up with him countless times and told that just because he says he loves me, his words mean nothing if he doesn't back them up with action.
So my question is, does he still love this ow and is settling for me (he has a lot to lose financially), or is there a time thing going on where they need to let go? I have tried to stay in the marriage for my youngest, but its like living with a friend with benefits, plus if he is here for reasons other than love its like a ticking time bomb as to when he'll do it again. And I have told him this.
I feel like some weak stupid woman who is clinging on to something that just isn't there. And at what point do you stop thinking about ow on a daily basis.
Sorry if its a bit garbled I'm emotionally drained at this point.