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Relationships

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Original poster

Moving in with new partner, what is best for my dd?

36 replies

BabySham82 · 29/07/2014 23:59

I live in a rural village with my three year old daughter. I'm self employed and work from home mostly or the odd day anywhere within a 50 mile radius. I moved here when I separated from DD's father because it is close to family. It's also within the catchment area to a very good school Id hoped to send her to next year.

I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man for a year. We love each other and want a future together. He lives in a city about 40 minutes away. He has a daughter the same age as mine and has a job with a fair amount of responsibility in the city and he works long hours.

I lived in this city myself until 2008. I love that place and have always gone back lots to visit friends, do cultural things and also work.

DP and I want to move in together. And hopefully have children together but the question of where we settle is an issue. There isn't really anywhere in between our two homes we would want to live. It's his city or my village.

He is a city boy through and through. He will consider moving in with me but I know he doesn't want to leave his area really.

If it was just me, I would move there tomorrow. I love the place. But I wonder if it is fair to uproot DD. The school wouldn't be as good as the one here. I feel the rural lifestyle is good for her. Her father would be angry if I moved there because of the accent she would probably develop (ridiculous I'm even giving that headspace I know, he's an idiot!!) also we would be further from my family and I wouldn't have their support as readily if we were to have more children.

I feel I want to move there but I think I shouldn't and I wonder if I should be staying put for the sake of my daughter? I want to do what is right for her and not be blinded by what I want to do with my love-life!

I'd love some unbiased opinions

Thanks

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 30/07/2014 09:30

If you stuck with your timescale and you did move then the primary school places would have already been allocated though. I'd say you need to either move before January next year, or stay put, or accept you may not get a school
place where you would like. Does depend on how oversubscribed the schools are though.

Original poster

BabySham82 · 30/07/2014 09:32

I definitely need to look into this properly, I thought I wouldn't have to apply until September next year. I will do some research. thanks

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 30/07/2014 09:35

When's your DDs birthday? (I may be giving you wrong information but if she's 3 now then she'll start school next September and you'll need to apply by January next year).

My DC are older but I'm thinking about secondary school applications...

Original poster

BabySham82 · 30/07/2014 09:44

She's actually not 3 until September 7, I rounded up for the OP as I was talking about the future and there was only a few weeks in it! Sorry to be misleading. I've just realised that being born in September and being born in August make a big difference when it comes to schools

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 30/07/2014 09:48

Ah if she's not 3 until September then there everything is a year later :) Forget all I said . That makes things easier in terms of not needing to rush into things. You'll need to apply by January 2016 :)

Original poster

BabySham82 · 30/07/2014 09:58

Thanks! Sorry to be unnecessarily confusing x

OP posts:

FreckledLeopard · 30/07/2014 10:17

When I moved in with my now ex-H, I relocated to another side of London with DD. New area, new school. For various reasons we had to move - he couldn't.

The marriage didn't work out (that's a whole other story) BUT, the move itself was great for DD. She started a new primary school in Year 5 and had an absolutely brilliant two years. The school was better than the one she'd left behind, she made a whole lot of new friends and absolutely loved the area.

Sometimes I think you can tie yourself in knots worrying about the what ifs. There are no guarantees. But at so young an age, I really think your DD will be fine if you move.

EarthWindFire · 30/07/2014 10:42

Does your DD have contact with her dad? Have you thought about how you will facilitate this to continue as you have said it would be more difficult for him.

hamptoncourt · 30/07/2014 13:20

Stay where you are, I commute 45 mins each way to work every day and it is nothing.

If this man is remotely bothered about living with you then he will move to your village. You know you need the support of your family for DD, picking her up from school etc.

caramelwaffle · 30/07/2014 13:49

I agree with hampton (and others who say the same)

Original poster

BabySham82 · 30/07/2014 15:50

I begining to think staying put is the right option, but to clarify, DP is not complaining about the possibility of a 45 min commute. Both of us on face value would prefer the city (Liverpool) as a place to live and that's where the dilemma is.

The commute from here to there isn't the obstacle it's just our preferences

OP posts:

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