I am caught in a 'blanking deadlock' and I don't know what to do to break it

[QueenOfRocknroll]

I need some help - this is so teenagerish that I'm embarrassed but I am terrible at handling difficult situations and I always do the wrong thing so I thought I'd ask here.

A very good (male) friend of mine, we meet up infrequently but text often. We work for the same company although in different buildings but have cause to cross paths occasionally in the corridor or car park or whatever and would stop for a chat. He would call in my office if he was in the building and vice versa.

A couple of months ago I got the impression he was phasing me out. I can be a bit over-sensitive so I could be wrong but when I suggested lunch or whatever he would say he had a meeting, or wait several days before replying with "oops I thought I'd sent that text but it was in my outbox, sorry!" or say his battery died. I know all of this could be true and I could be over-sensitive. Anyway I haven't had any communication from him now for several months. I don't want to be all needy like 'why haven't you replied?' so I just left it to him to text me when he was less busy.

That was all fine but since then I've seen him around at work and he has openly blanked me (turned around and walked in the other direction). The first occasion was on my birthday and I thought it was really odd to not even say hello, but then it's clear it's not a one off as he has done it again since. I've started blanking him back which I know is pathetic but I don't know what else to do.

I don't understand what I've done wrong, if anything, but I feel like it's up to him to make the next move. Because if I ask what's up then I become that needy person and I'm terrified of being that. This all seems to have coincided with him turning 50 and I wonder if he's decided not to have me as a friend any more as part of some mid-life reassessment or something, but it's really odd to not even let me know. We were so close!

Part of me thinks maybe he's got something in his head like I've got something in my head and we're both waiting for the other to make the next move, but part of me thinks I've been phased. I'm really confused.

Ask him!
You are behaving a bit like teenager .... I feel like it's up to him to make the next move.

What if he doesn't want to make a move? Perhaps I'm reading your post wrongly but you seem to be viewing this relationship as a relationship, and you want it to progress. Maybe he just viewed it as friendly work dialogue?

Just ask him what his beef is. At the moment he is not acting like your friend so if the only thing you're going to risk is friendship then you haven't lost anything at this point.

Does he have to deal with you professionally?

I'd just leave him to it tbh and put it out of my head.

Are you married/in a relationship?

Is he?

Do you fancy him? Does he fancy you?

I think his wife found out.....

fusspot

I was getting to that ...

If you want to be friends with him why not just try smiling and saying 'Hi' the next time you see him and see what happens?

However, it does sound as if he has decided to distance himself. Perhaps he thought you were getting too close and this was becoming awkward for him. Is he in a relationship with someone else?

Personally , I would be extra casual net time you see him just to show you really are not being needy and any dramatic blanking is unnecessary.

I never ask when friends fade in and out of my life. I don't run after them. I am friendly if they come around again. The key is to have a full life so when your friends fade in and out (for whatever reason - who really cares) then it isn't a big deal. Sometimes the friends never come back and that's okay too.

Or you could just say, "Oy, what's up with you? Are you avoiding me?"

I agree that it's not worth running after (unless you and he are free agents). He will have chosen to do this to avoid the greater upset of having to talk about it