Trying to make a decision...

[BadMother2014]

Already have two kids but realised we are pregnant with our third. Yes we took precautions but still somehow we find ourselves 5 weeks pregnant. I am really struggling with the thought of having another child financially, emotionally and I dont know if I can cope with three kids when I struggle with two.
We are both struggling to come to a decision whether to terminate or not. I feel so awful about it but I dont think we can cope with three kids but the thought of having a terminate really upsets me. Not for myself but for the life growing inside of me. Please help.

It's a very personal decision and I don't think anyone can really advise you what to do. All I would say is that if you're 'struggling with the thought' and you don't like the idea of termination, it might help to go through the objections you mention - money, workload, etc - systematically and work out if it really would be as bad as you imagine. Base your decision on facts rather than fears

Yes we have been through it all and a third child would be a great strain. Barely managing as it is. I also feel like Ive been constantly pregnant for years and I just want some normality in our lives. I have made the decision to have a termination but my partner wont form his own opinion. He just says it is up to me, but I dont think that is right. Why should I take all the burden of having a termination and he blame me in a few months because that is what he is like.

Firstly, don't beat yourself up about it. With the best intentions in the world, accidental pregnancies do happen.

As cog says, sit down and look at all the positives and negatives and see if you can work rationally through some of them.

However, I also have to say, don't ignore your gut instinct. I have been where you were and my gut was screaming that I couldn't have another baby at that point. And so I didn't. It was the right, and best, decision for both me and my family at that stage.

You don't have to have a third child if you don't want to. But equally, try and pin down whether the problems and negatives are things that can be fixed (money, childcare etc) and see if working through solutions changes how you feel.

It's a huge and horrible decision to make, I know. It's so difficult. So don't rush into anything.

X-posts, sorry.

On the one hand - yes, it is down to you are you are the one who will be pregnant and will give birth to this child and may end up doing the bulk of the care. So in one sense your DH is right. My DP said the same thing to me. He said that he knew what his decision/opinion was, but that at the end of the day it was my decision which actually mattered.

Is he less worried than you? Why do you think he might blame you a few months down the line?

" He just says it is up to me"

I went through the same with my gf a few months back. I didn't feel as if it was up to me. I told her my opinion but I would've done whatever she decided. It wasn't my body.

I'm so sorry your in that position. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do but your obviously thinking what's best for your family.

I agree with Cogito, it's a very personal decision. People will have opinions but ultimately only you can decide. It is unfair of your partner to have no opinion. My advice is ask your GP to have some counselling. This is available to anyone considering termination. Until you have considered what is involved in both scenarios then you cannot make a decision you will be happy with. All the best.

Even if your partner leaves the decision to you, he should fully support whichever decision you make and reassure you that it is the right one. He has to be an active participant. BTW... has he signed up for a vasectomy yet? Stable doors and bolting horses etc but that is something he could positively do to contribute.

So he would blame you for the decision you make? Does he do that often?