8months pregnant in non exsistant relationship

[mum2bof31986]

IM new to all this but in so fed up. I met my children's father 12 years ago and im 8 months pregnant problem is he doesn't live with me and makes every excuse not to. He lives with his parents and whilst there the one day i snuck into his room because he always tensed up if i went in there so wanted to see what he is hiding. I was in there all of two mins and i found a bag of weed, loads of porn and condoms. Makes me physically sick. I feel hideous enough being so big. I have told him i don't want a relationship with him anymore. How am i going to cope? I feel like I don't know him. He made out he hated strippers and porn but he clearly doesn't. He knows i have issues with lies but still chooses to do it. He told me it was my fault he had porn because when we split for over a year because he went out every single night i told him if he didn't want to be with me i would move on and start dating. So i went on one date, the person kissed me it didn't feel right and i knew i didn't want anyone else at that point. I told him this and the next day he said he wanted to work it out and be a family so i agreed with it ob the condition he spent more time with me. He didn't but ended up getting me pregnant.. But anyway his excuse was he was angry after so got this porn... But why say he wanted to work it out? I was honest with him? I dint want to be single but if he can lie to my face about this what else is he lying about? I never see him and I've begged him to spend time with me but he is always to tired but can go home and watch porn? He only rings me when he is at work if i ring him at 7 or text, he just ignores it every single time. When he comes to see the children he finds a excuse to shout at me or our son and cant wait to leave. When we found out we were having a daughter i was suggesting names but he said why bother she will be a pissed up slag anyway... I dint understand why he would say that. I've only ever one boyfriend. I know he is verbally abusive to me but he some how twists it to being me. His own mother has told me she doesn't think he will stick around so why do keep giving him chances? I've got no one else and he had told me no one would want a relationship with someone who has 3 kid's... Ifeel worthless but keep thinking maybe this time he has realized how wrong he is.

IM feeling good about sticking to my decision but still in the back of my head i think he could change! But that is the cycle. I know i don't want to be with him because i don't know him anymore. He hasn't always been like this its got gradually worse over the years.. Which in his head is my fault... Stupid argues with stupid i remind my self. You cant reason with someone who cant see the reason. I know what i have to do its just hard because i cant imagine loving anyone else and its been all i know since i was 16/17. I told him i didn't want him at the birth as its my body and i don't want to be there thinking he looks at porn and is looking at me at my most vulnerable. Its only porn he said! To me its so much more.

It's your labour and up to you who you have there for whatever reason.

He won't change.

It's not your fault.

He can afford to but weed, porn and condoms--he CAN afford to give you more for his DC's but he choses not too. Obviously the porn/weed etc are higher up his priorities.
Does he work?
Time to get tough-time to contact CSA or whatever it is called nowadays. you owe it to your DC's to kick him to touch

Oh love. It is time to give up.
I have been there, done that. Got to lovely kids to show for it and a not so lovely ex with whom I never lived and who talked a good game but never came through when it mattered.

You don't want to give up now because you have sunk a lot into this. I had a car once. The exhaust went so I got a new one. Cost a bit. Then the brakes and pads. Not so much so as I had already paid for the exhaust I weighed in.

But then the radiator went. I had already spent hundreds and did nit want to throw that away. But I did because it had had its day. It was never going to suddenly be a better car. You are in tye same boat. If you give up now it is like admitting you should have given up years ago.
well it is far better to give up now than to stick with it. Really, truly, it is.

You keep hoping and that hope keeps you there. Stop hoping.
He will not change. You cannot change him.
He will destroy all the hope you have left.

Leave him and you will find you can invest that hope in something better. Your kids. Your future. Being a teacher. Finding happiness.

There is no hope for him. There is hope for you and your dc.

Twelve years of your life you've wasted with this pathetic fuckwit man-child. TWELVE YEARS! Don't waste a minute longer. Life's just too bloody short.

If I've understood correctly you're only about thirty years old. There's a whole long and happy life ahead of you. A long, long time. Having three children is no impediment to being with someone truly worth your while. You just need to shake this prick off and be by yourself for a bit to give yourself time to know what a decent and kind man looks like. They are out there but you need to know how to recognise one. What you've got hanging around your neck like a millstone will never be one. Not ever.

Thanks so much for your comments it means alot. I do feel like I've wasted 12 years and hopes and dreams on this person. I guess admitting defeat is kind of like saying i was wrong all along. No likes to be wrong! I know there isn't anything there to save but its also frustrating to think if they could just be normal or atleast feel the same way then we could be happy! But think I've realized you cant make some love you or care. I've done everything i possibly could but to him im too bossy one minute or he said i was controlling because he went out every single night when he used to live with me and i said he should spend half the week at home. Or i try to change him because i had a go at him about the weed and told him he needs to stop. He keeps saying he cant believe in throwing a family away just because of porn... Like that's the only thing he can see he has done wrong. God i hate him. I used to be so confident but me being fair blue eyes light hair him loving himself and his dark eyes.. Said he doesn't want a kid with blue eyes! Why did he ever go out with ne? Probably because i was young and he thought i was a good choice. Not because he felt anything... Grr makes me so mad

Good luck.

And try not to internalise or even try to rationalise what he says and does. It is all bollocks and he is a twunt.