I honestly don't know where to start, I'm trying to think of a way of condensing the past 2.5 years of my life down to explain briefly why I'm in the mess I'm in today, it's proving incredibly difficult.
My DP and I were friends for about 2 years before we got together and he was in a difficult relationship with a very very pretty Canadian girl who happened to treat him like dirt. I helped him through rather a lot and sacrificed too much to help, basically I know the ins and outs of their relationship and I now wish I didn't.
After they split he spent a few months sobbing etc and after he "got over her" we ended up together, which is a total blur and now I look back a really bad idea.
He spent the first year/ year and a half of our relationship chasing her and other women and leaving me (who had fallen unexpectedly pregnant with his child) in a total emotional mess throughout my entire pregnancy. I felt so alone, I was scared to tell people because I was carrying his child, so I suffered in silence. Often locking myself in the bath room for hours, rocking and crying not knowing what to do.
For the past 6 months, my partner has been an angel, a fantastic partner and father but I am left emotionally scarred, with serious self esteem issues. I can't get over what he has done. Put it this way, he chased women that were 10x better than me in pretty much every way and I have issues with my confidence. I have no problem admitting I'm fat and chronically sick but it's damaging that he couldn't love me for me and only cared about appearance. I was the mother of his child yet he could do that?
All he ever does is apaolgise and make excuses for himself and refuses to just be straight up wth me and tell me he chased other woman because they were more attractive, instead he uses the excuse he was "messed up because of his ex and thought he has lost me anyway". Which hurts,, be a man and tell me the truth.
This relationship has been a battle, he has got me and him in roughly £19,000 worth of debt, of which I am paying off with my father inheritance, I have moved more times than I can remember because of financial issue, been bullied by his parents and regetably had to have an abortion because of the debt, I must work for us all to survive /:'(
I cry everyday, I'm exhausted and feeling worse by the hour. I hate that he couldn't be a man and provide for us, he was stupid with Women and money and now I'm just meant to accept I'm suddenly enough for him and pay of his debt and pay for a wedding and a roof over our heads, what has this man given me? Support with our daughter yes, far more than any other man I know but for me? Nothing.
I am not skinny enough, pretty enough or successful enough for him to treat in the wonderful ways he did his exs, they got holidays to New York, expensive presents and romantic surprise get aways. I get emotional abuse, debt and neglect. It hurts. The only difference between me and them is they way I look, I just need someone to shake me out of this pit.
I can't forget what he's done, but he just wants to fix it all, I fear it's too late.