Early on in our relationship my partner made a decision and lied about it and it changed our lives and our family's lives. This decision and lie caused much pain and suffering and I wouldn't have stayed with him if I knew the truth. At the time I believed he loved me but in retrospect he did not love me, he was selfish and wanted or needed me but didn't care enough about what I needed. I found out the truth 10 years later.
Lying became a habit. When he had a problem he would ignore it and hide it until it became much worse and I found out. I was always upset that he lied rather than whatever the problem was. We had a pattern, I became the responsible one in our relationship and he was the irresponsible one and I did stop trusting his judgement on things.
10 years on we're dealing with the fallout from his biggest lie and trying to work on our relationship. He is a different person, dealing with his problems in counselling and is working really hard and doing brilliantly. He's learning to think things through and make better decisions.
But we are dealing with family issues at the moment and I don't trust what he says about what he feels, what he's doing and what he will do. His explanations do not make sense, I learned in the past this was usually when he was lying. My fear is that he still doesn't really love me, that his idea of love is all about him. That he will make whatever decision suits him and then lie to me about it. I can't stand the idea of him lying to me any more but I don't know how to get him to stop.