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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Contact with grandparents.....

4 replies

pimple · 28/07/2014 15:58

I am a little confused by my relationship with my parents who moved to the same town as me about three years ago. They moved saying that they would spend more time with us, our children and would be keen to look after them more so I could return to work without having to worry about child care.

Fast forward three years and they barely see us each week. They never contact us so we drop by occasionally but often when we do my Mum has gone out to a local craft group. I am pleased for her as she has really settled well as has my Dad but I am suprised at how little contact they have with the grand kids (their only ones as I am an only child) and any contact is usually initiated by me.

When I visit and if my Mum is there she tells me about all her new friends and how busy their life is. She has also started to have contact with her brother who lives a long way away despite Him trying to extort money from her and her siblings after the death of their Mum. She has even visited him twice in four months despite having nothing to do with him for over ten years.

My DH works away a lot and my parents do acknowledge the challenges this brings but never offer to take the kids off to do something or suggest cooking us dinner etc. They have never taken kids out during holidays and tell me about their trips off with friends which I find quite disappointing.

Fair enough but I suppose I cannot quite match what they do with what they said their motives were for moving to be nearer us.

I can feel myself having less and less to do with them which
I am not bothered about for me but I would like my DC to have some sort of relationship with their grandparents.

I suppose I am disappointed with our lack of relationship but wanted some others perspectives....

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/07/2014 16:32

Sounds like you'll have to impose yourself a little more :) Book yourself in their diary before it gets full of crafts & friends etc. I know they made a big show of moving to be nearer but it's quite a difficult one to get right. Fine line between showing an interest and being involved, and being too intrusive and getting up people's noses. Be more up front about what it is you need from them.

Nomama · 28/07/2014 17:07

Tell her.

Just go and say what you are thinking (not her brother) but her social life is brilliant and you really don't want to do anything to change that, but you are feeling a bit put out/sad that they don't see their GKs very often and that sometimes you feel like you may be imposing so you feel unable to ask for help - and you need help every now and then.

Everybodyleaves · 28/07/2014 17:46

Can you ask if they would consider collecting GC from school one day a week, and then maybe extending that into the evening by making dinner for them so you can all eat together? They can perhaps even bring back to your own house so all the toys are there and switch the oven on if you can prepare a casserole / chicken in advance...

pimple · 29/07/2014 09:45

Thanks for the replies.

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