Can you be 'fuck buddies' with your ex...?

[theendoftheendoftheend]

Is it possible or is it always heading towards a big fall out?

If you have children together, does it make horrifically selfish?

Is there ever going to be a happy ending for those involved? (children included) and I don't necessarily mean getting back together etc, just anyway of no one getting hurt?

Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation?

Sorry for it reading like a questionnaire!

I'm contemplating embarking on a fb arrangement with dd's father. We split up 7 years ago and although amicable there was no feelings of wanting to rekindle anything until recently...

As I'm desperate for a shag and things were always great in that department!

We have both had relationships since but are single currently.

I'm finding it very successful.
No kids and a large break between relationship and Feb but yes it can work

and fwb not Feb! !!

Somehow it does seem like the easier route to a shag doesn't it? Even thought I am concerned it will turn out to be more costly in the end! I think there's a latent attraction/ease with an ex when you have the connection of having had children together. And like someone else said, the reason why you split in the first place will impact too.

Redglitter that's encouraging thankyou!

Completely possible to have a fuck buddy. I had a great one for years. The trick to not getting feelings is to actually dislike him as a person. I thought mine was a flaky loser, but damn was he good in bed. He, equally, didn't think I was very interesting.

I assume you don't dislike your ex as a person, as you used to love him.

We set our ground rules from the start. We're both looking for the same thing from each other. Meet once a week and almost 3 years down the line it's great

OK, it's not compulsory to find another partner and form another heteromonogamous relationship. Some people simply have no interest in romantic couple relationships we have lives instead. So having friendly sex with your XP from time to time while co-parenting your DC can be quite a pleasant way to handle things.

I have a friendly, family relationship with my DS' dad. We are all going on holiday together in about 3 weeks time. We don't have sex with each other and haven't done since DS (9) was concieved. We sometimes have sex with other people. But one of the main reasons why our family works so well is that neither DS dad nor I actually has any interest in couple-relationships, whether with each other or anyone else. So there's never going to be any aggro about 'introducing new partners.' If either of us did date anyone s/he would have to accept that the co-parenting thing is the most important, or sod off.

I hadn't fucked my ex for 5 years before he became ex, so it sounds pretty messed up, to me.

I can see SGP's POV, mind.

SGB.

Not just me then ouryve! The relationship I've just come out of was sexless for a number of years prior to splitting up.

I couldn't, he was a shit shag!

no you can't - there are a zillion men out there have sex with someone else.

On the down side to it - yes it's lazy in a way. It does stop me from being bothered about meeting anyone else, I can't be motivated for online dating for example. However in real life it's not like I meet a succession of interesting, hot, eligible men so I'd rather some companionship and sex than none.
Also, jealousy issues, I don't feel jealous about flings/things I don't know about but if he got a girlfriend I would be. Because our cosy little arrangement would end and that would be another, different kind of break up.
Plus sides - dating is rubbish. Too many men are boring, sexually incompetent or mean (IMO). I don't need any more kids, in fact I'd rather not have two by two because the logistics and dynamics of step parenting seem awful to me. I don't want a step father for DS, I don't want to live with anyone and I'm happier running my own ship than having a co-pilot.
DS honestly doesn't think we are getting back together or anything, he's never known his dad be around and reliable like most dads, he's always been here and there even when we were together. However if/when this arrangement stops we will have to be mindful that he doesn't notice the change in our dynamic and feel it negatively.

Ehric's has considered it well and recognises the biggest risk is when it stops. I think if you have insight like this and continue at least you know what you're in for.

For me the biggest risk would be not moving on. I would also resent a partner who couldn't hack family life and just wanted to dip in and out leaving me to shoulder the day to day responsibility and work of parenting but pop in for a shag.

The knowledge that he was free of responsibility and care most of the time and could be at the pub, pursuing sport and would pick me up and put me down when he fancied would really irk.

NOOOO!! Wouldnt advise it take it from someone whos been dumb enough to try it with 2 exs. There would have to be no emotion there at all. First ex I did it with though very nievely would bring us closer together was still very deeply in love with him in end made me 10 times qorse. 2nd time father of my children a deffinate no again got hurt never learn ended up pregnant with twins even though using contreception, I stupidly though we might be able to make it work 3rd time lucky but he didnt want to know.... Fab dad though and we are good friends now 4 years on but never go back

Theend I guess I do it because the chemistry is still there, because I miss having another adult around in the evening, and because I want DS to have a 'proper' family. And yes, I do know that families come in all shapes and sizes, but at the moment we are the only single parent family I know in rl, and it is bloody hard sometimes. It feels like for us there were always obstacles in the way for us.

But, as he has indeed now met someone else, I need to chin up I know!

Interesting thread. My H and I have recently embark on a similar arrangement.

He says it's helping him cope with the break up and gives him hope that we could reconcile in the future. I'm slightly more cynical about getting back together (because the issues that have broken us up are still present and not really being dealt with) but I don't totally exclude it as a possibility. And like him, I find it easier to cope with the split this way. Plus it's bloody great sex.

I am worried about how it will work out long term but it feels right at the moment. Our split is very very recent.

It's not so much laziness as logistics on my part. I'm not ready to meet someone new and it can be difficult going out and meeting up with possible new dating 'material'!

I am. But only because I can't find anyone else.

I am the same, interesting thread. XP and I split in December, we have had more sex in past few months than past 3 years of our relationship. I have mixed feelings, and does mess my head up I know if I meet someone else then it will stop.

I think you are just delaying the inevitable, you are also sacrificing the chance of having a good relationship with all the frills with someone who is more suitable, clearly you two don't work, if you think you can handle it then fine, but either way, I'd guess one of you will be hurt.

I was trying to do this. He's right back in there with his feet under the table. It's ok but not ideal, all the ishoos are still there.

expectans when did he meet someone else? Have you found it hard to deal with? I think I will, because of the sleeping together! And it would change the whole set up really. No more 'family time' I imagine, which would be a change for the DC too.