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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex on dating site - hand holding please

49 replies

lostandconfused34 · 26/07/2014 23:26

Hand holding needed pleased as I feel shell shocked. Was with my ex for 4 years and I thought he was the one. Talked marriage, kids, everything. He got really distant a few months ago and I suspected he was seeing someone else. He denied it but I never found out for sure. Then he just cut contact and stopped meeting me, refused to talk things through. I never got any closure and I still feel a bit lost about it all. This only happened a month ago. It really hurt.

I just looked on a dating site (not to date anyone, just out of curiosity as some friends have been talking about it. I don't even have a photo on there) and saw my ex on there. It made me feel sick.

His profile is full of pictures that I took of him, lifted from my Facebook. He talks about how he's a genuine guy, quick witted, fun etc. As I was reading it, I felt so angry. He treated me like crap in that last month. Made me feel unwanted, cheated, I'd wasted 3 years on someone who just saw me as an option. He has moved on so quickly, like I didn't exist and is on to some other poor girl, probably. He's all charm on there but when he was with me those last few months, he acted grumpy and bored, like he didn't want to be there. The opposite of his online persona.

Just feel upset and angry. Can't believe him. The other night I thought about texting him because I was actually bloody missing him. To him, it's like I didn't exist.

OP posts:

Report

lostandconfused34 · 27/07/2014 22:08

Yes he does know I've seen it because I had set up a profile with not much on it but I had a small picture for maybe an hour before I took it down. When I clicked on 'who's viewed your profile' he came up - that's how I found him. Then I deleted everything so he couldn't stalk me. Wasn't even looking for anything, just had it recommended and thought I'd have a look.

OP posts:

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 27/07/2014 22:18

Oh he's done it on purpose then, I thought so! Twat

lostandconfused34 · 27/07/2014 22:22

The thing is, I think it was all done on purpose. I was feeling a bit down, so my best friend and I made my profile together just as a bit of fun. Then I saw his best mate on there, who must have let him know as suddenly he pops up on there and goes straight to my profile. I feel like he won't let me do anything without ruining it. Now I'm paranoid all the time.

OP posts:

TillyWithercoat · 27/07/2014 22:34

I feel like he won't let me do anything without ruining it

He has no power over you unless you give it to him.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 27/07/2014 22:43

Just block them all

lostandconfused34 · 27/07/2014 22:48

I know that but its irritating because if (when I'm ready) I ever want to sign up again, hes going to be on there spying on me.

OP posts:

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 27/07/2014 23:11

Fuck him, who cares if he's looking. I'm sure you wouldn't be on there for king, unlike him!

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 27/07/2014 23:11

Long*

handfulofcottonbuds · 27/07/2014 23:13

There are many other sites too. Don't let him still control your actions though. This is your life.

Gettingmeback · 28/07/2014 08:37

hanselandgretel what price was he asking for himself WTF. Have I missed something and you can buy a genuine dickhead on Gumtree?

HanselandGretel · 28/07/2014 09:37

Ha! That was in the days before they stopped the dating / personals section, makes my blood boil still as he painted himself so genuine, in fact his question on there was 'are there any genuine people left??'...sneaky bastard.

LizzieBelle · 28/07/2014 09:43

It sounds like he 'just wasn't that into you'. You need to move on and forget him.

sadwidow28 · 28/07/2014 18:11

OP - delete that dating account.

It is doing you no good whatsoever to read his lies and re-writing of history. Now, be honest with yourself - you did NOT make that account for when you are ready to meet someone else in the future. You made it to 'keep track of what he is up to'.

Is it making you feel any better? NO

Is it messing with your head? YES

NC means NO CONTACT - try and bring yourself to delete that dating profile. When you are ready to date again, there are other dating sites.

lostandconfused34 · 28/07/2014 19:17

sadwidow thanks for taking the time to reply. Hand on heart, I didn't make it to spy on him. I was shocked to see him on there to be honest as I was certain he was probably dating someone from work that he seemed to always be talking about when we were together. I think his friend saw me on there and told him, as then he was suddenly on there with this profile that was indirectly slagging me off.

I have deleted it. Won't be venturing on there again either.

OP posts:

TillyWithercoat · 28/07/2014 20:19

Remember if, in the fullness of time, you want to do OD you can always hide your profile on POF. Then you get to do the choosing and can do all the spying you want.

sadwidow28 · 29/07/2014 01:38

Well done lostandconfused

It's a new start now....

In time, you will love having a new start.

Idunnowhat · 25/01/2019 11:52

This guy is angry and upset and still wants you. I would suggest contacting him but come from a place of love. You are both angry, resentful and are attacking each other. I would apologise and say sorry that i made you feel this way. If you need to talk i will be in such a place at such a time. Meet me if you want. Hoping to see you there. Coming from a pkace of love and forgiveness makes you the bigger and better person. He is crying out for love. Its deafening. Cant you hear it?

Pinkmonkeybird · 25/01/2019 11:56

As I was reading it, I felt so angry. He treated me like crap in that last month. Made me feel unwanted, cheated, I'd wasted 3 years on someone who just saw me as an option. He has moved on so quickly, like I didn't exist and is on to some other poor girl, probably. He's all charm on there but when he was with me those last few months, he acted grumpy and bored, like he didn't want to be there. The opposite of his online persona.

Hold onto that. He is never going to change and whilst it is a shame someone else will be sucked in, take heart that you are now well rid of him.

Pinkmonkeybird · 25/01/2019 11:58

This guy is angry and upset and still wants you. I would suggest contacting him but come from a place of love. You are both angry, resentful and are attacking each other. I would apologise and say sorry that i made you feel this way. If you need to talk i will be in such a place at such a time. Meet me if you want. Hoping to see you there. Coming from a pkace of love and forgiveness makes you the bigger and better person. He is crying out for love. Its deafening. Cant you hear it?

Troll, obviously

bananaramaspyjamas · 25/01/2019 12:27

ZOMBIE THREAD

Ragnarhairybreetches · 25/01/2019 12:28

Zombie.
Bet she's fine and happy now.

Idunnowhat · 25/01/2019 12:37

The no contact is working on him. And he is hurting a lot. He is trying everything to get your attention. I wish my ex was trying to get my attention. Mine is just ignoring me completely. He did exactly the same as your guy did. I felt like i was losing my mind. I now realise that he has the issues not me. I still love him and want him back. Being heartbroken is no fun. But i am the prize now and the better person cos i know myself and i know tjat i am capable of havinb a great relationship.

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Idunnowhat · 25/01/2019 12:42

I see a lot of people saying feck him and your are lucky to dodge that bullet. That may or may not be the case. It is bad asvice cos it will make you bitter and keep you in a pattern of going from one bad relationship to another and suffee more heartbreak. You need to get to know yourself again. Love yourself ompletely. Then contact him from a place if love. When there is no hate, there is clarity.

Ragnarhairybreetches · 25/01/2019 14:30

ZOMBIE.
ie thread is from 2014 iduunowhat start a new thread if you want, you're wasting your time on this

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