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Original poster

Reactions from OH when taking MN advice

27 replies

Boomerwang · 26/07/2014 17:24

My DP has often used the phrase 'it's all in your head' when it comes to things such as taking medication for depression, and just today when we argued about his use of the phrase he said 'it's that fucking mumsnet isn't it?' which was true. I'd been reading the stately homes thread from 2007 and although I have a balanced relationship, I wanted to nip this oft used phrase in the bud as I found it patronising, as though I was being silly.

Any other (hopefully empowering) stories from those who read MN and used it to make a change to your life?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerwang · 26/07/2014 17:25

doh, I didn't actually say whether the issue was resolved. It wasn't, actually, but I've asked him not to use it again. There are consequences if he does.

OP posts:
Doitforme · 26/07/2014 19:23

I think MN can be detrimental to relationships sometimes.

sunbathe · 26/07/2014 19:29

I wish I'd MN when I was younger.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/07/2014 19:33

People that say 'it's all in your head'...do my head in! Of course it is in people's head; that's where their brain is...and usually if it is in someone's head then there is a damn good reason for it.

HumblePieMonster · 26/07/2014 20:11

I think MN can give you the confidence to say what you wanted to say all along, and the words in which to do it. The dangerous part of advice (and I give lots, though I know nothing about the world) is that people might act on it and then feel worse. But, if its a really bad relationship, the only way to improve it is to get out of there, and people do say so.

evelynj · 26/07/2014 20:18

Defo has encouraged me to think in a more balanced way & you can't help but be influenced by what you read. Has given me more confidence to voice my opinions too. I wish everyone would be more honest in life in general. As long as we're not condescending to those that aren't enlightened then we'll get on grand

foreverforaging · 26/07/2014 20:23

I wish I'd had Mumsnet too.

I've learnt loads about relationships and realise I put up with too much crap for too long.

wyrdyBird · 26/07/2014 20:54

"It's all in your head" is patronising, and dismissive.
Doctors don't prescribe medication for imaginary health problems.

BIWI · 26/07/2014 20:57

Why do you say that, Doitforme?

hollycomputer · 26/07/2014 20:59

BIWI I'm guessing because there's a lot of telling people to LTB and some frankly batshit advice for things which a good talk would probably resolve.

Joysmum · 26/07/2014 21:22

BIWI I'm guessing because there's a lot of telling people to LTB and some frankly batshit advice for things which a good talk would probably resolve

I agree. I posted many times how the overwhelming advice on MN would been for me to leave DH or DH to leave me with a number if the difficult times we've had.

EarthWindFire · 26/07/2014 22:09

I think MN can be detrimental to relationships sometimes.

I agree. There can be a lot of jumping to conclusions sometimes on threads.

BIWI · 26/07/2014 22:12

I'd like to know, though, why Doitforme says that!

EarthWindFire · 26/07/2014 22:15

Maybe it's because people go looking for problems that don't exist in their own relationships? I have seen people say that they are taking a break from/hiding the relationship thread for that reason.

Maryz · 26/07/2014 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 26/07/2014 22:22

Maybe, could be a number of reasons. It could be that someone's DH/partner would resent the amount of time spent by the other person on line and not like their intimate secrets put on the www. Also, they might feel threatened by friendship women find on mn and excluded.

hollycomputer · 26/07/2014 22:35

*I don't think it would be wise to consult mn and immediately, without question, follow the instructions given in all situations. But I do think it's worth considering why those instructions are given.

So if dh said "don't listen to mn, ever" I would think "why not? What is he scared of".

If, on the other hand, he says "ffs, don't blindly follow advice from the internet, think about it first" he's probably got a point.*

This, without question. I've seen some wonderfully accurate, helpful and practical advice on here. I've also seen some woefully inaccurate, misleading and blatantly biased advice. But then if ask for advice on a public forum, that's the risk you run.

Maryz · 26/07/2014 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGSR · 26/07/2014 22:46

If he says "It's all in your head" again, say "So is a brain tumour".

Original poster
Boomerwang · 26/07/2014 23:20

HumblePieMonster that's exactly how it was for me. I've never liked him saying it, but I dismissed it until now. This time I made it known I've had enough of him saying such a thing, and I have to admit it was down to the empowering messages I've read on MN. I am not cowed, abused, threatened or anything that I cannot manage myself, but I broke the barrier from silence to speaking out by reading about others who have done so, or should have done so, on this website. It caused a minor ruction, but in the long run I will get what I want and he will not use the phrase again unless he purposely wants to wind me up.

I do believe there are situations which call for adjustments in the relationship rather than severing ties completely, but on the whole I see very good advice being given and I'm thankful for it. I am not in an abusive relationship, my relationship with my parents and family isn't particularly emotionally close but otherwise we get along great, and I feel my daughter is growing up in a good environment, but I still get tips from the relationships board and I think it's invaluable.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2014 23:27

If he wasn't attributing your new assertiveness to MN he'd be accusing you of having spoken to 'a friend', 'your mother', 'that woman at work' or whatever. What it actually says is that he thinks you are easily led and incapable of thinking for yourself. You're not gathering information and forming intelligent opinions, others are 'putting ideas in your head.'

It's all part of the same contempt really.

MexicanSpringtime · 27/07/2014 04:43

MY ex used to say things like that. There was no mumsnet at the time, but any idea he didn't like had obviously been put into my head by someone else, me being such a feather-brain.

CogitoErgoSometimes has again hit the nail entirely on the head. I had had numerous non-abusive relationships before him and never, never been treated like an impressionable idiot by anyone until then.

AdoraBell · 27/07/2014 04:59

My abusive ex used to tell me it was all in my head. Cogito is absolutely right.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 27/07/2014 10:19

Oh god yes I do wish I had MN years ago. I think I would be a much different person than I am, perhaps not as damaged. But its one of those parallel universe things I will never know.

I dont agree that MN is detrimental to relationships, its good to see strong people posting that no you dont have to put up with any old shit because dp is stressed or works hard.

When I was with my ex and pregnant and he was beginning to show abusive behaviour I posted on another site about the problems and I was advised to try and see it from his point of view he is worried about being a dad, lack of sex and maybe I should be more understanding. This was in response to my posting about him calling me names and pawing at me in public.

fifi669 · 27/07/2014 14:15

Agree with the batshit advice statement.