What does everyone make to this uturn?

[crazylady321]

Hi, just wanting to update a situation really and wonder if anyone else finds this odd?

I have posted a couple times in regards to my partners ex not allowing their son to come to my house. It started that she didnt even like him coming through the day let alone to sleep over. It was seeming that she had thought of every excuse to be awkward although a few of you lovely ladies did point out that they too maybe a bit weery about certain things.

So right up until last weekend her and oh were still in debate over him staying, and was going to his grandparents to sleep on OH seeing him there. Now OHs parents are away this weekend and we were unsure about wether or not we would be seeing the boy as OH is working saturday aswell. He contacted the ex on weds and asked if they could arrange something as his parents had arranged a last minute break. First she started complaining it was too last minute and she had plans and said she would ring him back.

Thursday shes called him at work and has agreed he can stay on Saturday night. He then had a phone call a couple of hours ago and it was the exs OH and has asked him if he can sleep Friday night aswell, it was then apparent the ex had not agreed to this and was shouting at her OH down the phone.

We have no idea what is going on but OH has set off upto theirs to get his son whether he comes back with him or not is another matter, im not sure how she will feel about me looking after him on Saturday on my own.

Feel so sad for both my OH and the boy im really fed up I cant imagine how they must be feeling.

Also if inlaws wernt going away she would of still demanded he sleep at theirs so its funny that because they arent available shes agreed for Saturday night!!

I'm glad you have had a lovely evening. It's funny how she changed tack when the option was no child free weekend..

These sorts always loosen their grip once they get there own love interest on the scene!

Bogey, as you have no idea who this person is, it's beyond ridiculous for you project and write that she doesn't care where her child is, as long as she gets a weekend off. And sorry, I still see the other side of this, OP. I understand you are going to be a step parent, but I would want a gradual relationship - not you minding my child alone during his father's contact time. Being minded by his grandparents because it allows them to continue an established relationship with their grandchild is very different. But the OP just seem to want agreement to her side from this, so I'll stop trying to point out the I the side of the coin.

Quitelikely - Can I ask what you mean by your comment?

PintOfWine - Its fine I have no problem with people trying to see both sides I too have tried flipping the coin, but you say I just want agreement on my part... I am just trying to support my OH best I can and tbh honest It has been stressing me out because I can see how frustrated and hurt he is, as well as his son who I am trying to welcome and make feel like part of the family.

Anyway hoping we have turned a corner hes had a fab couple of days, didnt seem to mind me looking after him this morning, I was feeling a bit nervous as he went out to play on the trampoline and in the pool and I just kept thinking omg please dont get hurt in my care, lucky 1pm came round quickly and OH was home.

Ive just been reading and commented on another thread about men that basically couldnt care less about their children, Im just happy OH isnt one of them and im glad he hopefully never read any of the comments on here about him in the wrong for working weekends etc think he would be really hurt by it.

I agree with those posters that say for your DP to stop dancing to this woman's tune.

As for the FB message to you? Wtaf? She has NO right to do that, to draw you into this and tell you that your DP (and by extension YOU) have to follow her rules.

Erm, your DP is as much that boy's parent as she is, so 'following rules' works both ways.

Your DP now lives in the home you share, it's habitable, suitable and safe. It's also now this man's permanent address. Contact should be assumed as being at that address.

Put it this way, if he had have had his own home, the ex allowed contact, but he spent the weekends with you, she can't control that as the child is with his father.

She can't dictate what the father does, anymore than he can dictate to her what she does when his son is with her.

I suggest your dp have a conversation with her to help her see that her ruining her ds weekends by making ridiculous demands, forcing him to miss parties ffs will only damage HER relationship with her son, not your DP's.

Block her from contacting you on FB. She's overstepping the mark there.

I'm a lone parent. No ex on the scene, he's abroad. No family either.

I couldn't have a 6 day a week job with weekends. It'd be impossible as a parent. I appreciate it is what he does, but it's not a suitable job for a parent that wants to actively be one.

It's completely unsustainable.

What if his parents became ill, unable to help (sounds like FIL already doesn't want to host any more)?

What happens if you and DP split?

Who would pick up the pieces for your P then?

He'd have to find another DP pretty fast to 'help' wouldn't he?

Is that why you and he got together so fast? PG at 9m of a relationship? Moved in within a year?

Think about it, he's not taking much responsibility for his own child here, it's all made possible through others. He's not at all self sufficient.