I am not happy but partner refuses to leave

[MostlyMama]

We have two young DC who I would not stop him seeing at all. I just don't want to live with him, we always row and bicker.. I have asked him to leave on numerous occasions and he always just flat out says 'no'...we are in a council flat with the tenancy in my name...he says if I am not happy I should leave and leave the DC with him...he can go to his mothers, I have nowhere to go and there is no way I am giving up a tenancy, who would house me then??

Speak to the council?

Or pack his stuff and take it to his mothers/ leave it outside

It's your tenancy not his

Can you see a solicitor to see what you can do legally to get him out?
Alternatively, as it's in your name, when he's out, pack his bags and change the locks.
Not sure how legally OK this is though?
I'm sure someone will be along soon to give good legal advice!

I can't afford to change the locks. I know him he would try and bang the door down and make a fuss..he would then probably try telling people he is concerned for the children or something..

He is just back from taking our daughter to the park...told him to go quiely he refused...I am stuck..

Please help me he really won't go I have said the kids can stop with him as much as they want and i will bring them to see him every day but it is no good he just won't go..

If the tenancy is in your name it's your choice who lives there with you. The council/HA won't get involved with removing him, so it will be down to you to get him out. Have a chat with citizens advice.

I have told him this but every request is met with 'No, I'm not leaving my kids, you leave' he just does not get it

I'm not talking in double standards btw..if the tenancy were in his name I would be long gone.

Then you have to stop asking and start telling, backed up by your landlord who can give him notice to quit. If he ever did try to bang the door down etc then you could call the police. If he is aggressive/abusive in the house towards you or the DCs, call the police. That includes swearing, shouting, breaking things etc.

I think you'll be amazed how cheap it is to change locks.
You can just change the barrell and if you look on youtube it appears to be quite easy (according to MN anyway)

Good if he tries to the knock the door down.
That's when you call the police and have him removed.

Please speak to CAB and also Womens Aid to see what they can do to help you with this.

The tenancy is in your name. He has to go. If he refuses you can ask the police for help in removal. I would suggest however that you really would need to change the locks. The police will get him out. He can then make an appointment to collect his stuff with the police present to preven a breach of the peace. OR you get the locks changedone day when hes out not with DCs and be done with it. It will prob get worse before better though.

You can get a new lock for about fifteen quid, they're easy to fit yourself and it shows you mean business.

Ok so install bolts on the inside

Call the police when he starts kicking to get in

Have your tenancy agreement ready to show them and his stuff ready to handover

It will be an hour or so of stress... But you get your life back. See a solicitor too

And ask the police for the keys off him too

Time for reinforce, be it Police or a couple of burly men who can help you out, or even your family, do not let this man rule your home like this, if you genuinely want him out go speak to a community Police Officer or go to CAB for advise on how to get him out, maybe if you do that he will actually take you serious.

Does he think the council will just pass the tenancy on to him and let him stay there if you leave? It doesn't work like that, if the named tenant abandons the property they will be wanting it back. Ask the council for advice and call the police if necessary.

And in the meantime stop doing anything for him.
Hopefully you aren't anyway but no cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, shopping, tidying...
Nothing at all. He can do all his own stuff from now on.
I really think Womens Aid would be a good 1st step for you.

Give him a time-limit. Tell him you are serious, and that he must take you at your word. Just hanging on like a limpet is not an option.

The tenancy is in your sole name, so he has no right to be there unless you agree to it. You don't: so he must go whether he's happy with that or not.

Change the BARREL of the lock. Replacement barrels for the most common types of lock can be bought at places like B&Q for about a tenner. You only need a screwdriver and about fifteen minutes of your time and some patience. There are tutorials on YouTube showing you how to do it. Have his stuff bagged up and ready to go outside once you've changed it.

Phone the police on the non-emergency number (101) and tell them you "fear a breach of the peace" (use those precise words) and ask them to attend for your safety as he's made threats against your person. If it's not late on a Friday or Saturday night they will come and persuade him to go quietly. If not, they will be at hand to escort him off to the police station for a chat.

Just because he's the children's father does not make him entitled to live somewhere he is not welcome.

He won't go. I have begged pleaded even demanded. He doesn't work either so little chance to do something while he is out...I said 48 hours but he just says no not leaving the children and looks at me like I am a crazy person.

then go to an agency to help......non emergency police or womens aid. theres an answer,you wont be the first they have helped

He doesn't work so presumably has no money to make other arrangements. That's unfortunate but not your problem to deal with. Warn him that if he won't go willingly you'll have to have him removed. Forceably if necessary.

Stop talking to him, stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry. Move his arse out of your bedroom even if that means having one of the children in with you.

If you have a tenancy relations officer at your local authority speak to them about whether they can help you to have him removed.

Well I have to say I feel a bit sorry for him, being kicked out and forced away from his kids. The opinions would be different were it a woman in the situation.

That said, you are well within your rights to change the locks when he is out. You can also go through court, or see if the police are willing to evict him for you. He doesn't have any occupancy rights as far as I know because you aren't married.

Best of luck and don't get yourself worked up over it, you will get it sorted eventually. Don't let him wear you down.

I have said the kids can stop with him as much as they want and i will bring them to see him every day

Are you really ready for 50/50 care?

If so, then tell him, he will have them just as much as you do.

If not, then why wouldn't he look at you as though you're crazy?

Do you have a friend or perhaps one of his parents who can arrange to have him over for one afternoon/evening so you can change the locks?

Do you have a friend or friends partner who could help you change the lock if you're not confidant to do it yourself?

Agree, call 101 and state fear of breach of the peace so they can be there to support you on his return and hand him his stuff. I'd also have a friend there to stay over the first night with you for support.

Good luck