Hi! New here & come to seek advice as lost!
Married for 7 years (no children). The last 2 years have been up & down in our marriage. We have undertaken couples counselling & have split up to the point of moving out separately. Before we split, my husband showed times of aggression where during arguments he has thrown a mobile at me, flung things in the room, punched through various kitchen cupboards & called me horrendous names. This started as i was honest that i had some feelings for someone at work. We had started to became disconnected as he started going out with a new set of friends regularly. I did not go out as much as it included my best friends husband & his new g/f so felt like I was betraying her.
Whilst living apart, my husband met a stranger 2 days after I moved out, brought her back to our marital home & had sex. I also started seeing the guy at work in this time, but since called it off & tried not to talk to him unless professionally (not often).
We tried to make things work again, but I found it difficult to have sex again, as I felt disconnected from my partner, betrayed as someone had been in our home & like some trust had gone because of the aggression he has shown in the past. I know that he also has trust issues as I have been with someone else.
During the early stages of us trying to work, I found that he was lying about texting & meeting up with a girl he describes as his "best friend!" This raised my suspicions as if there was nothing there as he claims, why would he lie! Another girl had also left messages in his wallet which he did not tell me straight away. Because of this & the sex issue, I have felt distant & was too scared to give up my house & my job which he asked of me.
I have continued to try & did not know what else to do to get the sex back, so ended it. The day after, I felt it was the worst decision & asked him to try again. He eventually said he would if I left my job (career) immediately, left the house & moved back to the town that I don't want to live. He also wants me to go out with his friends (including his female best mate). I have seen a text (3 hours after we split) to his b/f that says "my penis is back...lets start f*#%ing...just need to get rid of Dave first"....this is his female friends boyf.
He claims it was sent as a show off text to his mate, because they joke that they should be together. This makes me think that his bestmate sees something there too. But this is in my husbands words, so I feel paranoid. He was supposed to be telling me when they text or he sees her (she cleans at his work), but there are numerous text conversations for months that he has never mentioned. His best friend also stole his mobile & sent photos of him to this girl on my husbands behalf, as a very unfunny joke.
I have given up my job & career i have worked hard for, secure house, agreed to live where he is & go out with his mates (including this girl). He refuses to stop texting her which I have asked coz of how it makes me feel, because he says there is nothing in it. All of his mates want them to be together & I feel very alone. His brother also called me a f%king b%%ch of a c@t too, so I'm surrounded in people that hate me coz I called it off & expected to socialise with them all & this girl.. I just wish they could see my side of the story.
When I say that I'm doing everything to make this work, he said "what?!" I feel like everything is on his terms & he is ignoring everything that is making me anxious to start on a clean slate.
It's long...sorry...any thoughts please? ??