If your h is not the type to be reasonable about separating, what do you do?

[tisrainingagain]

If h and I separate but he is the type of person who would never leave, what do I do?

The only scenario I can think of is one where I rent a flat for the dc and I and take it from there. A divorce would mean some marital assets would have to be sold which could happen down the line?

With regards to the dc, they would still be seeing their dad in the family home for up to half the week, so would it look (to a potential court) as if I had abandoned their care?

Do I really have to stay with someone who seems to feel the opposite of love for me so that I don't "lose everything"?

What you do is stay put with your DCs and get legal advice. Naturally, it's better & cheaper if a couple can be reasonable about how they achieve separate households and many manage to agree finances and childcare arrangements either privately or through mediation. But where one party is uncooperative then you may have to rely more on legal intervention, forcing house-sales and other measures to move things along.

If you're saying that your STBXH would be worse than uncooperative and would react aggressively or vindictively in the event of a divorce than you may need specialist advice that takes it into account. If you feared for your safety the advice would be different, for example. Some solicitors, for example, have more experience in divorce where there is domestic abuse than others.

First and foremost you need legal advice.

It depends on what he does and if you are afraid of him, as Cogito said.

I ended up walking out with DS.

You may be able to get a residency order (or whatever it's called).

Would he really want to have them half the week?

If you have your own place and the children there for at least half the time, that is their home too. If you think the house would have to be sold anyway, it would just mean that you were the first to leave.
If you are a primary carer, though and you think it would be too disruptive to move and the house wouldn't have to be sold, then you could ask a court to stay there with the children.

But, again, I'd get professional legal and financial advice on this.

If he is in any way dangerous or abusive, contact WA for further advice. Abuse is much more than violence, or even threats. It can be financial, emotional, sexual. And for it to be abuse, he doesn't have to be a monster. Look up the WA site.

How old are the children? With older children, their views count too

8, 10 and 12. Yes am worried they may elect to stay in the family home.

Yes, it's possible but as they are older there is no point fighting it

Please get professional legal advice rather than acting hastily or relying on internet forums for your information.

Legal advice is your first step - every divorce is different and all the outcomes of a divorce can be negotiated. It is not cut and dried.

I can recommend the book 'Family Law' by Gordon and Stotton (I swear I do not have any affiliations with these people) which explains all the possible outcomes.

Most divorces do not result in going all the way through the court process - but it is there as a last resort to make a final decision. In that case, your life is determined by the judge, and if you were to take your case to 100 judges, you would end up with 100 outcomes.

Divorce is paradoxically the most straightforward and yet most complicated business!