Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheeky fuckers on line dating!

26 replies

kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 22:18

So this week I've had:

  • Guy A tells me after just a couple of emails that I would be the one who would have to relocate because he doesn't want to change jobs. (I have a job too!)
  • Guy B knows it's my birthday on Saturday and that I am going into London with friends during the day. He wants to meet up (would be first date) in the evening. I am to pick a place half way between ours (60miles). He hasn't even asked whether I drive or not. He knows I do not know the area. So he expects me to get a train to meet a stranger in a random place. On my birthday.

Ok, ok, it's not the worst but why are folk so rude/thoughtless?

OP posts:
Original poster
kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 22:21

I should add that this is one of the proper, paid, "find your soul-mate" kind of sites. And it's religious, so you would expect the men to be more chivalrous, non?

OP posts:
Original poster
kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 22:22

And the jobs Guy A and I have are both roughly same in terms of money, I would imagine.

OP posts:
gatewalker · 21/07/2014 22:23

I'm confused. Have you met up with Guys A and B before?

If not, then Guy A is simply taking the piss. And I do feel that Guy B has a valid point. If you haven't met, why would he be taking your birthday into account when making his own travel plans to meet someone he doesn't know?

Namechangearoonie123 · 21/07/2014 22:25

My sister in law dated 3 total weirdos from Christian dating.

One told her when she turned up on the first date that he wasn't staying as she wasn't wearing a skirt and wasn't feminine enough.

One she slept with after a few weeks and he blamed her saying she 'tempted' him Hmm

BeforeAndAfter · 21/07/2014 22:26

Kirsten, I've found absolutely no benefit to paying for a site - EHarmony, Times Encounters, GSM, Match and LoveAndFriends have all been sampled by moi. They all have chancers and liars just like the freebies. Give me POF any day of the week. You have to weed through some chaff but at least you get a choice of men.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 21/07/2014 22:29

Religious men are more chivalrous? Confused doubt that considering most religion is oppressive to women.

Aside from that, on one date a guy expected me to drive him home miles away from where we were even though I wouldn't know how to get home, 'I'll direct you back' Hmm cheeky fucker

Mrsrochesterscat · 21/07/2014 22:29

I've had some weirdos too! Just this week, one asked me if I could love him - in the first ever message! Another sent me a weird poem about lambs - it made no sense at all so I blocked him straight away!

On the site I use I can choose how far away I am prepared to look. I am too busy to be running about the place, so select a radius of 5 miles. Is this something that would help you?

Original poster
kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 22:31

Just to clarify, no, I've never met either of them.

But, regardless of it being my birthday, don't you think Guy B should offer to come to my area? I know HE drives. He doesn't know that I do.

Thanks for the suggestions of other sites, by the way, I'll have a look into that.

OP posts:
Original poster
kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 22:33

Thanks, Mrs Rochesterscat - both of them contacted me first. And I really liked them initially!

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 21/07/2014 22:41

No, I don't think Guy B should drive to your area. I think you should meet halfway but then I always go halves on costs too.

Original poster
kirsten123 · 21/07/2014 23:08

I'm fine with going halves on costs.

And sharing the burden of travel etc in the actual relationship.
But it would be nice if he would meet me where I am comfortable the first time.

I think I'll ask him to come here and if he refuses, fine.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/07/2014 23:37

Well I had much the same idea this week as well, join a dating site they said it will be fun they said

32 cock pictures,4 proposals,and shit loads of quite offensive very rude unsolicited messages I have been asked on one date by a man who lives 4 hours away and likes to dress as a woman.

Fun my arse

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 21/07/2014 23:41

needs Shock :o

splendidpup · 22/07/2014 09:58

But, regardless of it being my birthday, don't you think Guy B should offer to come to my area? I know HE drives. He doesn't know that I do.

No. I think if it's quite a distance then it's fair to meet halfway. IT's a new place for both of you. You can arrange to meet in a public place (you should anyway, even if on your home turf) and I doubt very much is likely to happen if you meet in a local cafe for coffee should he turn out to be nutter. It's also fair to assume adults drive, or can get public transport to another town. If he lives 120 miles away that's one fuck of a drive there and back to meet a complete stranger. 240 miles total. It's a lot fairer for you each to travel about an hour there and back than for one person to have to drive for 4-5 hours and the other to just wander up the road to their local.

splendidpup · 22/07/2014 09:59

Or do you see this as some kind of 'chivalry' test for him?

If I were a man I'd see you as very entitled/game playing and be put right off. He should be keen to meet you. You should be keen to meet him. Neither of you should make the other jump through hoops to do so.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 22/07/2014 10:40

If it's a hassle for you drive or travel more than half an hour or so, don't meet anyone who isn't local as a relationship will just be hard work.

I met my dp on POF. He and most of the other men I talked to/met were also on paid sites, so it's all the same people. Agreed that chancers and married men are slightly less likely to pay to join eharmony than to set up a free profile on POF, but once you weed out the dross from POF it's still the same guys.

I never once had a cock pic (or a proposal Sad ) but I hid my profile after a while and just did the picking myself, so I didn't get bombarded by unsuitable men. It worked well for me, I set a radius of 10 miles as I didn't want to waste my one night off a week driving for hours. I met the absolute love of my life who lives within 10 miles and works within 2 miles of my house, but there's no way we would have bumped into each other without POF. I was only dating for a month or so before we found each other so I know I was lucky, but I think you have to be ruthless and picky when ODing.

Diagonally · 23/07/2014 22:58

60 miles is quite a long way...I have a personal limit of about 20 as I don't have the time or money to travel far.

Although I agree a meet halfway is fair - why not suggest a daytime meet if you're nervous about an unfamiliar location at night?

Darkesteyes · 24/07/2014 01:23

Sock that's awful Sad I once joined a sexless marriage forum. I lasted 2 weeks I was asked to pose for pictures with my legs open . I deregged immediately after telling him what I thought. He said "you must be one of the nice women" Obvs a prat with a Madonna/whore complex.

Never again.

itwillgetbettersoon · 24/07/2014 07:23

I'm on POF - for two weeks so far and I've not had a knob pictures, proposals etc. I've only received decent texts - ok some a bit too brief for my liking so I've not replied but on the whole to date it has been a pleasant experience. My profile is very carefully worded and my photos are not suggestive and I'm fully dressed :-) . It must just be the luck of the draw.

Deftones · 24/07/2014 07:30

I met DP via online dating, we're getting married in 6 weeks, however I was online dating on and off for 2 years. I received countless cock pictures, abusive messages, boring messages, rude messages, cheeky fuckers abound. It takes time to learn certain behaviours but once you do, it can be fun.

I just used to show all my mates the cock pictures, we used to love having a laugh with them, they are all sorely disappointed when I met DP Wink No more cock shots for them nosey beggars

CatKisser · 24/07/2014 10:04

My favourite message was simply:
"Ride my face."
Short and to the point!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 24/07/2014 13:38

Hoping someone with the looks of a young Tom Hardy and perfect spelling and grammar was a good bet for a date, someone I know was thrilled to receive the following message:

"If beauty was time, you'd be eternity".

Unfortunately when they finally did meet she was disappointed to find he should have held that day's newspaper to prove his photo was recent (instead of at best 10 years out of date) and his divorce wasn't actually through yet.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 24/07/2014 19:29

Donkeys, I'd still give Tom Hardy a few minutes of my time in 10 years time and my own divorce still hasn't come through, despite being with my new dp for nearly 2 years! I think maybe your friend was just a bit fussy Wink

brunette123 · 24/07/2014 19:35

I wouldn't consider someone 60 miles away - just too far and too complicated - I think 10 miles maximum if I were doing online dating, however, I do not think that guy B should have to come to you whether it is your birthday or not - I would always be prepared to meet a guy somewhere halfway and would not really want a first date on my birthday I'd rather do something with people I knew.

SolidGoldBrass · 24/07/2014 21:37

You'll get plenty of wierdos and maniacs on a religious site. Madonna/whore-complex central!