My dh works away a lot. In the past 3 weeks I have seen him 3 days.
He got a promotion and although he still travels, he goes for different reasons than before (executive meetings etc). The problem now is that there is a female colleague that also goes on these trips, 90 percent of the time.
He has told me the odd thing about her, she is having some marriage issues as her dh works abroad and she sees him once a month. My dh helped her to move house (not physical, but arranged the vehicles etc). He doesn't talk a lot about her though. He messages her a lot, when I ask who he is messaging at night or over weekends, he tells me its her, and if I ask him he says it work related etc. Although I am ashamed to say it I have even checked his phone and those messages are always deleted straight after he has sent them.
So recently I have been feeling really down, and I have tried to chat with him as he is not himself lately. When I ask he says it pressure from work (yes I do understand that he is under pressure and I always try to support him, help him etc). I have outright asked him on a few occasions about this women if there is something going on, as recently our sex life isn't that great, he stays out late for any excuse etc. His phone is like a flipping attachment of his arm.
He always says nothing is going on, they are just good friends, having to go got to know her whilst travelling they have turned out to be good friends.
This weekend I needed to check something on his email. While in there I put her name into search and found some messages that I wasn't happy about. Things like, she is asking him to call her and he replied he will when he is alone.(this was while he was away) A photo that he sent me from work, was sent to her seconds after he emailed it to me. Another email saying her family had just left her house, they had a fight and she just looking forward to seeing someone who would be happy to see her. He then replied that when he does see her again, it will make him happy. Then there is a message saying "have a great weekend with mrsmontecarlo and dc's."
So with all this email evidence I approach him again, this time saying that he better tell me the truth about what is going on. Again he says there is nothing, its just work and they are good friends, she can speak to him about her problems etc. I asked him to explain all the emails, he had a work related answer to each one. I asked about him being happy to see her and he said that she is just a friend. When I continued he shouted along the lines of "am I not allowed to have a friend.. ") He also said that she tells him this stuff as they are "very close"!!!! He then said things along the lines of, I suppose if things were the other way round I would also not be happy, and he also told me that a few nights ago he spoke with a (male) friend saying that he knows that we are becoming distant and he is going to have to make more of an effort.
I am just so upset, I cant stop crying, I feel betrayed. Whether or not he had been with her I don't know. Even if he hasn't, just imagine your dh telling you that he has a female friend with whom he is "very close", and you haven't even met that woman....
And while is he away, our lives just have to carry on regardless. I deal with everything in the home, the kids, and I run my own business. Both our dc have been in hospital recently and both times he wasn't here. I feel used and a doormat. I explained this to him and he says he realizes he taking me for granted and that this will change. He has been lovely over the weekend, but there is just this niggle going on...... and I really just don't believe him.....
You don't need to reply, I just need to get this off my chest. I have booked to go away next weekend all on my own and do what, I don't know, but I feel like dark clouds are surrounding me all the time here.