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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How often does your dh/dp

25 replies

sandyballs · 13/09/2006 12:51

... sexually speaking. I was going to change my name for this but can't be arsed, just hope no-one knows me . I really don't feel that my DH has much of a sex drive for a 30 something guy. I don't agree with the old myth that men are "always up for it", but DH rarely seems to be. We talk about it, a lot, and he seems to have rose-tinted specs about our past, saying how much we used to do it pre-kids, but in reality we didn't, he's always been the same, give or take a few rampant holidays .

We probably average about once or twice a month, and when we do get down to it it is great and we always say "why don't we do this more often" etc etc, but it just doesn't happen. I brought the subject up again last night and he said he doesn't often get the right vibes from me so therefore doesn't make a move, believing I won't be interested, which I don't really "get". Surely it's worth a try, it's not like he's always trying and getting turned down.

Maybe I need to more sexually aggressive and make the first move more often but I seem to have lost my sexual confidence because he never seems interested, so it's catch 22. Other than this we're happy together and have a good life, but I hate to think of us growing old and living like brother and sister.

OP posts:
sandyballs · 13/09/2006 12:52

The title should read "How often does your DH/DP make a move".

That happened last time when I started a conv

OP posts:
Tutter · 13/09/2006 12:54

having sex once or twice a month = living like brother and sister

that regularity is pretty good going i reckon. unless one/either of you wants more.

not sure what the problem is!

NotQuiteCockney · 13/09/2006 12:54

It's a good idea for you to express an interest, if you'd like to have sex more often! I don't know why it's a rule that it always has to be the man initiating things, but it seems like a silly rule to me ...

alexsmum · 13/09/2006 12:56

agree with northener-if you want it, then show it. maybe try and do things a bit differently, so shake it up a bit.
twice a month isn't so bad.

alexsmum · 13/09/2006 12:57

sorry-agree with nqc

Iklboo · 13/09/2006 13:00

If you're in the mood and you've got the time free send him a filthy text - even if yuo're in the same house. I've done it with DH - took my mobi upstairs and sent him a "come up here and get your knickers off while I....." type message. He nearly broke the land speed record

QueenEagle · 13/09/2006 13:01

When dh is on his 4 days in a row shift, he never initiates anything although he gets very touchy feely without going any further iyswim.

When he is on his days off (5 in a row), it's always him initiating it on the first day, then he has a couple of days rest and then he's back for more. If initiated it on the other days off, it is more.

But, with busy lives, differing sex drives etc a couple of times a month isn't so bad imo. Try initiating it yourself, if he responds then that will boost your confidence no end!

Iklboo · 13/09/2006 13:08

And there's always the old "wake him up with a bj"

wishicouldsing · 13/09/2006 13:18

my husband moans that most people do it more than our 3 atleast times a week. i always feel guilty if i turn him down! sometimes 2 a month would suit me as busy lives etc.

alexsmum · 13/09/2006 13:23

wishicouldsing-he's right most people do do it more than 3 times a week......on another planet!!! on planet sex!

wot a laff!!!

i think 3 times a month more usual for people with kids!

wishicouldsing · 13/09/2006 13:24

perhaps a thread on how many times a week do you do it, i could show him then!

alwaysreadytoplease · 13/09/2006 13:30

sorry wics, i have 3 kids but we tend to enjoy it most nights. admitadly usually only quickies but do have the odd long session.

im getting the hang of this now, not blushing nearly so much, and its so good to talk.

mell2 · 13/09/2006 13:35

Blimey, must make sure dh doesn't see this thread. Every night and there's me telling him twice a month is a lot!

mellowma · 13/09/2006 13:37

Message withdrawn

BUNNY75 · 13/09/2006 13:39

sandyballs....just read your opening comments....it was like i was reading my own comments....the only difference is, in our house, its the other way round....i'm never really bothered but DH would every day of the week and twice on Sunday....reassuring to hear that others dont do it more than a few times a month too...DH thinks I'm ill or something!

alwaysreadytoplease · 13/09/2006 13:39

i like porn to but only when watching it with someone

BUNNY75 · 13/09/2006 13:41

mell2...i agree!!!!

mellowma · 13/09/2006 13:42

Message withdrawn

alwaysreadytoplease · 13/09/2006 13:49

oh i see. am new to mn, sorry.

alwaysreadytoplease · 13/09/2006 13:52

surely that would make him even more randy for you

mellowma · 13/09/2006 13:55

Message withdrawn

charliecat · 13/09/2006 13:57

An actual move? About twice a month. We both talk of having great sex regularly then fall into our pillows to sleep.

BUNNY75 · 13/09/2006 14:03

maybe we should try the porn thing.....might make me more up for it!...whenever we've watched it in the past, it just makes us laugh...depends wot kinda film it is

Iklboo · 13/09/2006 14:04

Watch it on fast forward - or rewin - eevn funnier

BUNNY75 · 13/09/2006 14:30

will give that a go !!!!

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