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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Been dumped, devastated

10 replies

Terriblysad123 · 20/07/2014 19:16

I've been seeing someone from work for 5 months. He's going through a divorce and it's almost at the end. I was unsure at first because of the divorce but we get on so well it's like we were meant for each other (cliche I know).

We have literally spent everyday together and I've been staying at his. Over the past month I'd say he got a bit distant and I could tell things were on his mind. We'd talk and he'd just say he is under a lot of pressure at work and with the ex and he just needs calm in the evenings. This upset me a little because it made me feel I wasn't allowed to ask him questions or talk about my feelings. He asked me to stay away this week which I did and we had the odd text and i saw him at work once. We were supposed to be going to a wedding yesterday so I text him on Friday asking if I was still going because I had arranged some beauty appointments and I didn't want to pay out for things if I wasn't going. He replied saying to cancel them and I'm too much pressure and he needs space and doesn't want me to go to the wedding.

Gutted was an understatement, I've spent all weekend in tears and feel like my heart has been ripped out. I have a lot of things at his house which I need to get (including medication) which I text him today to ask when could I go round and collect and he's not bothered to reply.

I'm disappointed he hasn't even bothered to see if I'm ok. I messaged my best friend because I really needed to get out of the house but all she could manage was 'nothing anyone will say will help, it just takes time to get over it'. I was gobsmacking considering I have always been there at the drop of a pin for her (she's newly engaged and hasn't responded to numerous messages about meeting up).

Looking for hugs and some support, feeling lonely.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 20/07/2014 19:19

I guess the silver lining is you've discovered your friend isn't such a good one.

onbehalfof · 20/07/2014 19:40

I guess you were not as well matched as you first thought, how disappointing.
Step back from him, when you see him, keep it polite, pleasant and brief.
I would tell myself something like 'he can make his own decisions, as can I'
Make an appointment to get medication.

Look on the Internet for tips to recover from the break up, and put your focus into getting over it.

Sorry your friend hasn't been supportive on this, when we have had one rejection, another one can seem doubly painful...although I agree to some extent with what she has said.

Who else can you invite for coffee?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/07/2014 19:41

I'm sorry you're upset, OP. I read your other thread but didn't post. You can't really have been surprised at this outcome, can you? :(

Live and learn and don't make the same mistakes again, be your own best friend, somebody that YOU would want to be with and never make anybody your priority again, that slot is reserved for you.

This man is going through a divorce and you sounded quite full on. I'm not surprised that he's ended things, but don't take it to heart, it's not a reflection on you, just that you're not right for him.

Your friend's message is right actually. Was that the first time that you'd text her about this, her first response? Time is a very great healer. Do you have other friends who could offer a distraction for you at the moment?

Onwards and upwards... Thanks

Vivacia · 20/07/2014 19:41

Interestingly, I disagree. I think you need to mope, grieve, rant and rave. For a couple of days anyway.

Smilesandpiles · 20/07/2014 19:41

I hate to be the one to tell you this but it may help you to think and process things easier but...

You were the rebound.

He was using you as a distraction, an ego boost as he was getting divorced. You deserve more than he is prepared to give you and he knows it. You just need to realise it too.

Your mate is a shit. Tell her, have a go at her and then leave it to see if SHE will step up to the bloody mark. If she does, fantastic, if not, then you have managed to rid yourself of two utter waste of spaces and users in one weekend! Go you!

Fairylea · 20/07/2014 19:44

I'm sorry you're upset op but everyday after just 5 months?! That's way too much too fast.

Next time take your time enjoying the dating stage and see where it leads slowly. Don't go all in from the outset. Especially not someone you work with. I'd start looking for another job... If you feel awkward about seeing him at work that is.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/07/2014 20:08

This is OP's first thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2132970-Devasted-needy-and-insecure-whats-wrong-with-me

Loletta · 20/07/2014 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerityWaves · 20/07/2014 21:54

I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking but you will move on I promise. The only way out is through....x

Nevertriedapickledegg · 20/07/2014 23:16

As pp have said, try to live and learn from this. I had a quick look at your previous thread and it seems like you were very anxious about this relationship and his lack of emotional investment.

In hindsight you should have seen this as a warning sign. You shouldn't feel needy, vulnerable and paranoid in a relationship. When you start to feel this way, stop and think. Do not hand yourself on a plate to someone. You don't need anyone else to validate you.

Take some time to get to know yourself. Try out different activities, invite other people into your life and explore your own personality. Resist the temptation to wallow and analyse your feelings about this - tell yourself you've done that and now your moving on. Keep telling yourself that every time you slip.

You are worth so much more than this and you need to regain control in order to steer yourself in a direction that will make you happy and, as Lyingwitch said, make YOU your priority from now on.

Good Luck x

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