Dating - how do I stop investing emotional too soon?

[FTS123]

I'm dreadful at it, if I like someone I give it my all and immediately invest every waking moment thinking about them and imagining a future with them!

For example, this week I've had a date on Monday when we arranged another date for Wednesday, on Monday evening he rang and asked if we could meet on Tuesday aswell, of course I agreed, he's everything I've been looking for. I managed to hold off texting today and let him contact me first!

I'm sitting waiting for the phone to beep with a text, I desperately want to see him tomorrow, but am not texting him because I don't want to seem desperate!

I recognise what I'm doing but I can't stop myself!!

What on earth can I do to stop myself falling for him so quickly? I don't want to get hurt but equally I want him really badly!!

Live!!! :) Live your life. Be with people. Have a full diary of interesting things to do and places to be. The more fulfilling & busy your life is the less it'll hinge on some random person making it better with a text message and the less time you'll have to sit waiting by the phone. Takes a conscious effort but it's possible.

You're right of course cog! That's exactly what I'm trying to do! I haven't texted him all evening and he's just contacted me so makes me feel a bit better I have to believe that the right person will come into my life at the right time regardless of what I do or don't do! I'm just soooo impatient! And this guy is particularly brilliant! Thanks for the advice!

This kind of thing should be a huge red flag. The fact that you both seem keen is nice, but if you look at abuse stories, moving too fast is by far the biggest red flag out there.

Ifailatlife - I understand that, but it's really my problem in rushing in too fast, not him....we managed to squeeze an extra date in as we both happened to be child free those days, not the case now as it's the holidays, but it really is me (in every relationship I have!) rushing in and not him!

In every new relationship or possible relationship? You need to become more discerning it helps to be busy and fussy.

Go on dates with other people? Really, keep your options open until you actually know this guy.

You have been given some excellent advice here but can you actually act upon it? Why are you so desperate? What is it that makes you only able to live if there someone else makes you feel validated? If you know that you rush into relationships and you know that it may frighten people off, ( needy women frighten friends off as well ) harden your heart, get counselling with the cause of your insecurity. Have a plan. A cool assured confident woman is something you could work towards being. Men work on getting a six pack, you could work on being restrained. You know already that something that is too easily obtained loses its value. Something that is hard earned and that we have had to work hard to get seems more worth having, it is just human nature. Be that cool person, only show all your moves after you are sure that they are certain to be reciprocated. You are valuable. Practise being restrained like you would a Yoga move. Every time you feel overcome by the need to blurt out needy stuff or plead, don't. Repeat in your head ' I am retraining myself to wait and be cool' xX

There's nothing wrong with being excited when you meet someone new, just keep it light hearted and fun - don't talk about the future or emotions until you really know the person.

Make sure your life is balanced with hobbies and friends too so you are not so reliant on the new person filling voids.

Its probably not a good thing if your doing it with everyone but to me if you are both so eager its probably the real deal and nothing wrong with moving fast as means your compatible.

Of course the op doesn't know it's the real deal or that they are compatible. How ridiculous! And surely the whole point is that the op is over eager with every relationship (or potential relationship) and then gets hurt / disappointed when it's not the real deal.

I'd say that if you are aware if the problem, that's half the battle.

Ime if everything happens fast and feels right then it probably is right but if you are literally doing it with everyone then it looks like a problem for you. Have you had many long term relationships?

What cog said!

I used to be like this, and could easily be now if I allowed myself to be - but I absolutely don't.

You need to get a life - be busy, have things to do each day, don't ever be instantly available - if he's interested he'll wait until you're available.

Join groups, do activities, take your kids out - no good will come of how you're behaving.

Read this

Everything Natalie Lue says is spot on

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