Sexual problems- help!

[namechangecozembarrasing]

Can anyone help with this rather embarrassing and annoying problem?
Background- me and DH have been married 20 years. Now our kids are a bit older we thought we should address the the lack of intimacy which we have allowed to develop slowly over years. We have always loved each other, but I have had depression problems (am on antid's now which have really transformed me and I'm fine now) and we've always been busy and tired, etc etc, to the point where my sex drive was non-existent, and we hardly even kissed and cuddled either.

Neither of us were happy with that situation, and over the last year or so we've been making a real effort to kiss,cuddle, and generally be nicer to each other, and it has really worked and brought the spark back between us. Which is great! We've been feeling really loving towards each other again and it's been really nice. Which brings me to the problem.

Sex. Now that my mood is back to normal and we have a normal relationship again, it would be nice to have sex sometimes. But DH has had erectile dysfunction off and on for years, which hasn't really been a problem as we didn't do it very often anyway. We thought that if we worked at it a bit it might resolve. But it hasn't. In fact the more sexual activity we have, the less it works.

We wondered whether fear of pregnancy might be having an effect, so he has a vasectomy. No change at all. Then we thought he ought to get checked out by doctor in case there was a medical cause. But all his blood tests and blood pressure checks were dead normal. So the GP prescribed Viagra for him on a private prescription, which he tried for the first time tonight…. it didn't work!! He only got the briefest of half-hard erections, and then came after a few seconds (premature ejaculation is another issue)

Added to this, the antidepressants seem to stop me being able to reach orgasm,(which is a known side effect that I'm too embarrassed to tell the GP about) so between us both we're pretty fucking useless.

I'm not sure where to turn now [SAD]

Hope someone can give you advice and that things turn out well in the end. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress.

Aw thanks

Just noticed my fail too.....

Go back to the GP & explain his problem. There are different strengths of Viagra tablets, GP may have started him on the lowest dose.

That is true... Thanks

Great that the aDs are helping you. there may also be dosage possibilities there for you? My husband has done a lot of cutting pills in half etc (obviously under medical supervision).

That's true as well- my problem might improve when I cut my dosage. Thanks

If the GP has ruled out any physiological cause, and the premature ejaculation is combined with erectile dysfunction, its psychological isn't it. I suspect that viagra could help in the sense that it will give your DH time to overcome fear/anxiety issues, which may be caused by the premature ejaculation. With more frequent sex this issue may improve, therefore allaying the problem with anxiety around erectile dysfunction. If all these issues are related and causal, then it becomes difficult to know what the original cause is. So maybe Pyschosexual counselling may also prove helpful in combination with the viagra. Good luck.

And - don't forget yourself in all of this!!!! You said known side effect of antidepressants - u need to talk gp and either change pills or reduce dose or come off them??????? That might seem scary but they don't have to be "forever"

You need to take some of the pressure off of yourselves.
You both have obstacles to overcome and so far you are doing great.
Take things slowly. Just enjoy kissing, cuddling and other forms of intimacy without the pressure of sex at the moment. Your doctors may be able to help with dosages of drugs but it also sounds like you are both a bit anxious and pressurised.
It might be worth you self exploring to see if you can orgasm by yourself and if so then it's just a matter of helping hubby to do the right things in bed.
Be careful that this issue doesn't become a wedge between you whereby one or both of you feel like a failure. One of the most important things here is to ensure that you bring some laughter into it so that it doesn't become too huge an issue. Be gentle on yourselves and each other and well done for trying to re vamp your relationship rather than just ignoring the issue or not bothering to re establish intimacy again.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. All your points are noted.