how do i get a formal access agreement

[ptsdhelp]

how do i get a formal access agreement set up after 2 years being divorced? my exhusband isbeing awful at the moment and i i think it would b better all round if we had something formal set up.

You almost certainly need legal advice. I would start by putting a reasonable access schedule in writing and asking for him to confirm he agrees also in writing. If he does so then keep both documents and talk to a solicitor to make sure it's binding. If he turns you down and/or doesn't offer something reasonable in return then reply that you will now be pursuing the access schedule via a solicitor. If that still doesn't produce a satisfactory response, talk to a solicitor.

Was that supposed to be helpful samned???

thank you for deleting that!
I really cannot afford a solicitor again and do not qualify for legal aid....

Essentially I would like to set something up that gives the children a good level of access but does not involve me seeing him too much. He is having a very detrimental effect on my health at the moment.

It is a little complicated as he tends to work abroad a fair amount - and so is unavailable for the children during these times - I have to make alternative arrangements for the children then (ie childcare if I am working). But, he also just tells me that he isn't available to have the children on his days if he has a meeting booked etc (he is self employed, mainly works from home and currently does not work more that 2, possibly 3 days per week). When he is unavailable, he doesn't make arrangements for the kids, he bats it back to me.... or worse, doesn't even tell me and tries to get my friends to have my children....

I have no desire to stop him seeing the children but I need to stop this arsing about as it cause conflict. I would like to take more control over the arrangements (he has told me that it is up to me anyway, as he has not legal responsibility to sort anything as the non resident parent!) so that I know where I stand and there isn't any grey areas to cause conflict. But I don't want to'do anything wrong'... ie give him any way to criticise....

I am at the end of my tether dealing with this man...

If you're not going to employ a solicitor you've no choice but to be much more assertive and less compromising in your dealings with him. I would respectfully suggest that's going to involve switching your thinking from..... 'he's messing me about but the DCs need to see him and this is the only time he can do it so I have to agree'..... to .... 'the proposed date is outside the schedule I've set and therefore the DCs will have to miss out'

Means a few things. 1. Assume the worst and book your childcare on the basis of him being unavailable. 2. Be comfortable with your DCs' disappointment . 3. Save up for a solicitor.

thank you - I have come to realise this is going to have to be how I deal with it. I just cant handle any more emotional battering.... another email today arguing the toss about holiday arrangements that I made because he failed to communicate with me.....