Storming off, a show of control?

[justcallmethefixer]

Dp has recently shown form for storming off after a disagreement instead of talking/debating/arguing it through. This feels to me that he is not prepared to listen to my pov so by doing this he is trying to control me by making me submit to him.
Am I understanding this right as a potentially abusive relationship?
I have been through dv and ea relationships before and don't want to repeat the pattern.
Due to past experiences I don't trust my judgement soo asking here for advice/support

I would talk to your DP and see if he is prepared to discuss why he does it.

To be fair, just labelling him as controlling may not be helpful. Reading your post, I wouldn't want to vilify him, as there isn't enough information to make a fair judgement.

I do it sometimes, I get into a tizzy and flounce off, then 10 mins later realise what an idiot I am! Thankfully my DP is the same, we're as bad as each other! But we do laugh about it afterwards.

I would agree, I do this also but when he wont listen, continue to leave or talk over my opinions ...

Justcallme, maybe its best to let the heat cool down in that sort of situation rather than trying to get your opinion across.

Im normally quite a rational person, but if Im pushed or feel grumpy about something, I "just go off on one" as my DP calls it. Then things just escalate and get tense.

Maybe in certain contexts, walking away is your DPs way of creating distance, to regain control and calm?

Honest, frank dialogue, when you are both calm, works wonders. If both of you can talk through the fact you dont like it when he walks off in the middle of an argument, he may open up and tell you why he does it. If you can do it in the cold light of day, you are then on a level playing field without frustration getting in the way?

I've been known to storm off, but my reasons are: we are both probably too angry to talk logically, to cool down, not to say anything I may regret and may hurt the other person, to think it through [was I at fault then? etc...], to work out what the real issue is and maybe how to resolve it etc.etc.etc.....Basically because nothing is going to be achieved, no way forward worked out, no negotiation or compromises or apologies can be done while things have flared up and both are defensive and probably being unreasonable.

I don't see it as me trying to control anyone, just I am the one who is hotter headed/more spontaneous and emotional, and need to calm down.

The talking it through will come when both are in a better frame of mind and have processed what has been said/happened. [In my world this is how I see it].

I do a fair bit of storming off (by which I mean leaving the room) - and it's nothing to do with control. It's so that I can calm down and not say anything I'll regret, it's so I can try to articulate my thoughts, it's to diffuse the situation. Sometimes it really is better to just walk away and leave a row - sometimes just rehashing old arguments when you know you can't agree to disagree is counterproductive.

I worked someone like this. She would say something and then flounce before anyone had time to respond. Absolutely about control

In a previous relationship I didn't have to walk out of the room and neither did my partner, because he wasn't the type to fly off the handle and we could talk things through, even if we absolutely disagreed with each other right to the end. With my current partner, however, he gets louder and louder whereas I get quieter and quieter in the hope that he won't feel the need to raise his voice even more (always wary of my daughter being in the house). If his rage is such that he cannot control his anger and shouts too loudly and then starts the door slamming and throwing things I don't want to be there. When I know it's coming I simply walk out of the house. If I go to another room he follows me and I won't have my daughter caught up in it so that's why I go straight out. It doesn't help the argument, but it does leave him with nobody to shout at.

After a few arguments I did the walk away thing earlier and earlier, because I came to know whether it'd fizzle out or get louder. Eventually, I refused to even discuss something we disagreed upon, I just went about my business letting him flap about in his own bewilderment until he had no choice but to talk rationally and calmly.

This means that yes, in this instance it is about control.

Boomerwang do you live in my house too? ?? If he's doing it to stop you getting your point over, or being seen in his head as winning then yes, it is control. Or often I find when I've done well or am happy. Xx

His way is the right way and his job is to make sure I understand that and do as he instructs. That is why the argument escalates and why I know when to leave.

Luckily I have too much self respect to be cowed by his words, I simply play the game differently without resorting to shouting, swearing or slamming doors.