If someone does something that makes you sad or angry...

[PukousMucous]

Should you tell them?

They are not behaving unreasonably and the reasons for their behaviour are clear and justified but nonetheless it is causing you pain.

Telling them may be distressing for them and you care about them so should you be honest with them about how their behaviour effects you?

It depends on who it is and what they're doing.

Can you give any more details?

My mum, who I have a great relationship with, is doing something that is making me sad although I fully support it. But because she is frightened and worried about it herself when I tell her I feel sad she can be a bit defensive and mean.

I totally understand why she is doing it but its hard to grin and bear it.

Yes you can be honest with them about how their behaviour makes you feel but does it directly affect you? What is it? That information would help!

Emigrating.

I fully support her doing it but will miss her a lot. I absolutely don't want her not to do it but it makes me sad. I guess I just want a bit of acknowledgement that its okay to be sad without the nastiness.

So no it doesn't directly affect me I guess.

I think it is natural to be sad when someone you love is leaving you. Of course in an ideal world you should be glad for them, but you are only human. Now you have told your Mum how you feel I suppose you should stop telling her , as what's the point. She is getting defensive and mean because she probably loves you to bits and knows that she is going to miss you as well and feels guilty. I know it is difficult for you but try and feel glad for her and think of the holidays you may have !

Is she going far?

My friend's DM and DF emigrated to Spain and the distance enriched their relationship. My mate's parents returned after 4y as they just missed their family too much.

Truthfully, I'd be heartbroken if my DM emigrated. But, if it's something that she had to do, for whatever reason, I think I'd support her.

I'd by dying inside, but ... I'd support her

Think of the positives, like was sais up thread: happy holidays and quality time together when you do meet.

Honesty is the best policy in my book. You can be sad for yourself but pleased for her. The 2 are not mutually exclusive.

Excellent advice joys mum, I wish I had thought of saying that. If only I could follow your advice instead of having mean twisted thoughts about things when someone has told me something I don't like. I do try to have a beautific smile all over my chops though, when I am struggling to do the right thing. We all know the right thing to do ( well some of us do, except my dear departed toxic DF) but sometimes you just want to re-enact the scene from a Indians Jones movie, where he is confronted by a sword wealding guy who Pi..... Him off, and Indie just pulls out his gun and shoots him. How I have longed to do that on occasion. The post loves her mum and it is sad for all concerned, but she has had her say, and now needs to 'do the right thing, pulling out a gun is a bit drastic in this case !