Are relationships more fragile these days?

[thalassa]

Compared to, say, the 1980s when I grew up? It seems that today, people have so many distractions and excuses that allow them to zone out in a way that simply was not possible when we had four TV channels and that was it. My parents always sat together in the evening, watched telly, then went to bed at the same time. I feel that now, with Internet in general and facebook, phones and private devices (ipads, tablets), it is so easy to be in the same house but on completely different planets. Not even starting on the way these devices can facilitate certain types of behavior, which so quickly seems to engender suspicion and jealousy. All these little private conversations and experiences going on, I wonder whether they have a corrosive effect on one-to-one relationships that we haven't fully appreciated.

The most extreme example I can think of straight away is the easy availability of porn, which must have an effect, simply because we are the first generation of people who have had to negotiate our relationships in the context of the hyper-availability of pornographic images. The ease with which a person can see porn on a phone, while sharing a house or even a bed with their partner is something relatively new, and I can't see how this can be positive in a relationship. Or how couples learn to negotiate the complexities that come with this sort of behaviour.

But even without porn, it seems that couples can spend a huge amount of their "together" time in separate bubbles, seeing different things, being exposed to completely separate stimuli. I think that this must prevent some of the growth as a couple that shared experiences and interests used to bring. When we have the same cultural references we tend to develop similar values and ideals. But now, a couple can spend their time seeing different things and never discussing them or accessing the others world.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this now - just musing on the differences between my parent's relationship and mine I suppose. This was something that jumped out at me.

If working affects your relationship that badly then you are in a prettt shit relationship.

I'm not commenting on my relationship. I don't work! I just see the pressure it puts on other families.

Very much. Modern technology has made having an affair much easier, and emotional affairs even easier. Of course as somebody up thread has said - the intent has to be there, but it is all just so easy - want a no strings shag? There are plenty of websites offering just that.

My DP is addicted to his iphone, he cannot simply sit and watch tv or talk to me without his phone being in his hand and scrolling through on it.

He has text/facebook/whats app conversations with people and never mentions them to me (to his mates, nothing sinister going on) he makes plans to go out and catches up with his mates and family etc and he never tells me any of it, it feels like he has a second life that I am not included in.

He cant even push the supermaket trolley round without reading his phone or texting, it drives me fucking mental when I am trying to unload everything and he is gawping at his phone. Even when driving if his phone bleeps for a text he has to get his phone and look at who is texting, he simply cannot wait 5 mins till we get to to our destination to look.

I really dont think working has anything to do with a relationship. I find it much less stressful working full time with children than being at home.

Vodkajelly welcome to my world. And what worries me too is my DS being the same - guess who got him the iphone? It's a sad life playing 2nd fiddle to your "life partner's" friends facebook updates and tweets. It's all so shallow and narcissistic.