What to tell dc about h leaving

[plentyofpipecleaners]

Looks like h will be moving out on Monday (it's ds2's birthday on Sun). There is another woman involved, but he will not be moving straight in with her. I know this to be true as she is still married and I know that, for practical reasons, he would not be able to live with her just now. However, I also know that he intends to see her (though he strongly denies she is the main reason for our break-up ) and that, much as it pains me beyond belief, there is a possibility that she will spend time with my children in the future.

So what do I tell the dc in these circumstances? H is strongly against letting them know there is anyone else involved, but I am worried that they will fill in the gaps and end up blaming themselves. H wants us just to say that we haven't been getting on (they've heard rows, so know this) and that we both still love them, daddy will see loads of them etc. Is this too vague?

As an added, and very regrettable complication, when I found out that h had resumed contact with the ow, despite the fact that we were supposed to be trying to 'make it work', we had an absolutely huge row and I'm pretty sure that ds1 heard references to her. Not sure what, exactly, but enough to confuse him/worry him if it's not explained properly.

I certainly don't want to turn the dc against him, and believe that he intends to remain a huge part of their lives (has been sahp up to now), but I want them to understand as much as possible and not be left with lingering doubts.

They are 7 & 5.

I wouldn't tell them. I know it must be tempting but don't. They have no reason to know. The argument they heard they are probably too young to fully understand.

He just needs to make sure he treads very carefully with the ow so as not to confuse them.

Hope your DS enjoys his birthday. You will be fine without him!!

You don't tell them.
He does.
That what I made my ex do.
He had the affair he could explain away why he was moving out.
Make sure you agree to what he wants to say first though.
And kids aren't daft.
They'll figure it out.
I know my DD did and pretty fast too.

I'm sorry this happening to you.

Don't tell them the ins and outs of why he's leaving or they will try to fix the reasons. You have to impress on them that this is a 'grown up decision', that it is sad but the decision has been made, and lay it out as kindly as you can. They are still the most important thing to you and Dad, it's nothing they have done or said, it's nothing they can fix or influence.... a grown-up decision.

DCs are mostly concerned with stability and security. They will want to know what's going to change for them personally and, ideally, you'd try to keep as much as possible the same. Same school, same friends, same hobbies at the weekends or whatever. Explain how they'll still be able to do all of that and - added bonus - they'll get Dad all to themselves for several days a week when they stay at his new house.

Regarding new partners, that's a bridge you cross if/when it becomes a reality. It's not for now.

I agree with hells Get him to do it so he can see what he has done.