Thinking of leaving DH for another man..... Please don't judge to harshly...

[Muddledandconfused]

DH and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 DC. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. We are more like best friends than husband and wife.

He is moody, has a drink problem (which is under control), we have massively different interests and we haven't slept together for about 2 years. On the flip side he is a brilliant father, will do anything for his family, is a hard worker and makes me laugh.

I haven't been able to see us going the distance for a while now, but would rather just bury my head in the sand and let it carry on.

Then by chance I met a guy, we have fallen in love with each other, it's bizarre, I genuinely didn't think I could feel this way about someone and nor did he.

Nothing has happened, but for me falling for someone else is betrayal enough.

I can't eat, can't sleep, I feel ill and just so confused.

No sex for 2 years - your marriage is over.......go for it!

I think pertinent question here would be "do you want to fall back in love with your DH?" If you do, then there's no chance while you're investing emotionally in someone else.

The drink problem is managed? Is it okay to live with?

Why haven't you had sex for two years?

Is the om married then op?

If you won't run straight to the other man - assuming he wants you - what has made you think you have to leave? If the OM said he didn't want a relationship with you what would you do? Your marriage has been crap for a while but now you are thinking of leaving, why? It is for the other man, isn't it? You said so in your OP. Just because you are feeling cowardly and don't want to tell your husband but be seen to splitting properly doesn't mean you should lie to yourself as well.

Yes, I want to know if the OM is married. It's a whole new ballgame if he is, isn't it?

I’ve just seen the bit where if you were to tell your DH it was over and you were leaving, you wouldn’t want him to know there was anyone else involved.

Go and have a read of the numerous threads on here where an OP has been given the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” bullshit line before their husband/partner leaves. Read about how they tear themselves apart wondering why their partner is so determined it’s over and won’t consider working on the relationship, their denials when anyone on the thread suggests there is another party involved, then their heartbreak when they discover that there was someone else all along.

To do that would be despicable, selfish and cowardly, all about protecting you and your reputation, not about saving his feelings.

personally i would work at the marriage, because of the children, and also becuase he's obviously a good man, a good dad, and you do get on.
you could try counselling, you could try to make it work. marriage doens't just come naturally, you do have to put in effort...
the guy that you love now, that may pass... but the father of your children and the guy you married, well, he's worth the effort. that's just my opinion of course.

no sex, moody and a drink problem - where does that show he is a good man. Doesn't look like he is willing to work at anything really.

Where do you get that he is obviously a good man

Genuinely, I hear of woman saying all the time 'he's a good father' and 'works hard' as if they are somehow outstanding qualities in a man. I assume the OP herself is also a good parent who works hard.

I'd say a good father isn't moody or has a drink problem; under control, or not.

What happend to working at your marriage? The grass isn't greener elsewhere and you'll find that out if you leave you marriage. You've had your head turned and you ought to turn it back to your own husband.

if someone is moody that doesn't make them a bad person
he's a good father, hard worker, makes her laugh.. i'd say he sounds like a good man.
i also have admiration for someone who can get a drink problem under control

People managing an addiction which is under control can't be good parents?

but i take your point, he doesn't sound entirely perfect!

nope you shouldn't leave. You should try to fix the marriage that you're in. if you genuinely try and it can't be saved then consider separating. At least you will know that you tried your hardest to make your relationship work. Because theres nothing in your posts so far to suggest that you have tried at all and just fancy ditching it for your new squeeze.

I see that you have started practising the script already though...yawwwn.

Sorry to leave you all in suspense, I'm back now!

He is divorced and they have one child. He married very young and it sounds like it was a very difficult marriage. Obviously I only know it from his side, but he has said his wife was aggressive, went for anger management It helped for a while, then it all went downhill and he left.

If you want to leave your marriage then you should do it properly and without the OM.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so supportive, giving honest advice and not judging

I have a friend where there has been no sex for 12 years. They are still married. Don't assume no sex= divorce.

Hmm, difficult - why not ask your kids what they'd prefer?

As someone else said, what ever happened to working for your marriage instead of just casually walking away simply because some guy flattered you?

And once again, look at the gender bias, if this was a guy asking for advice about leaving his wife because he'd met a hotty, he's be absolutely roasted alive here.