It's not always possible to remove toxic people from your life.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Like my toxic friend. Her mum and my dad are going out and we both rely on them for sitting. If I'd friend dumped her ages ago then I wouldn't still have to put up with the competitiveness between us but then our parents would not have found love.

Also someone we really love may be married to a really toxic person. What then? How to create boundaries?

Every time im tell my friend a bad thing that happens she giggles. Wtf?

For toxic people you can't remove:

• Remember that they can't actually hurt you. They may make you feel uncomfortable, they may even make you feel angry, but they are not a real threat to you as long as you have boundaries in place and maintain them. And take nothing personally - anything they do that makes you wince or boil inside is down to their own issues. Definitely call them out on it if you think they've overstepped a mark (you don't need to take any shit), but remember that they are not an actual threat to you.

• Limit contact. Do not share personal feelings or information. Keep things breezy, factual, and brief.

For friend married to unpleasant person: Talk to him/her, see if s/he is willing to open up to you. And apply the same behaviour as above in your own dealings with the unpleasant spouse.

I agree with you. The world is full of difficult people and trying to avoid them all would leave most of us having hermit status. I try to work out what kind of difficult person they are - selfish, shit-stirrer, bossy, pessimist etc - and then engage with them accordingly. One thing I would suggest, however, is that a lot of 'toxic' behaviour is down to stupidity and thoughtlessness rather than actual malice. Giggling when told bad news could be foolishness, nervousness, lack of compassion or something more mean-spirited. So you either don't tell them anything more meaningful than the latest weather forecast or you challenge them on why they are laughing.

Don't tell her about bad things that happen to you?

I tend to tell people I like lots of things about my life, but don't share much with people I don't particularly like. (most of former ILs)

You don't have to leave the room when she enters, but you don't have to act like best friends either (or bff, bleurgh).

I'm baffled by your comment that you both rely on your dad/her mum for sitting - seems a bit of an odd thing to focus on. Are you worried that if you lose your friend your dad won't babysit for you any more?

these are two different situatoins.

Your toxic friend - is she really toxic, ie spreading strife and unhappiness or is she just socially maladept? If she's socially maladept, some patience will go a long way. If she's competitive, just keep neutral and try to disengage. it's annoying is someone's playing that game, but possible to laugh it off - usually. If she's genuinely toxic, then it's a lot trickier and the best option is to keep clear if at all possible, even if it's inconvenient. Especially if she is toxic to the little ones too.

It could be worth watching your friend's parent too, juuuuust to make sure that the apple hasn't fallen close to the tree. Quite often someone is just toxic on their own, but it can run in families sometimes.

Your friend married to a possibly toxic person - you can't really do all that much. Give her space to talk. urging her to leave probably won't work and could be counterproductive, but being there for her will help. Very gently making it clear that his behaviour isnt normal / respectful can be a good thing but has to be done subtly otherwise your friend will probably withdraw.

It's just that my dad is really into his girlfriend and therefore her family and expects us to behave like one big happy family. Before they got together he'd tut tut the things she said but now bigs her up. Tbh we both find it odd.

I unfortunately have toxic mil
judges me because i dont keep my house tidy like hers
told me why should i feel i need to look nice and have hair coloured
Moved when we did from our hometown to try and keep controlling us
goes everywhere we talk about to bump into us
Gets insanly jealous of my m&d when we go &see them
speaks to her mum like shit and makes us all want to hide in the corner.
Best thing to do is keep at arms length