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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I always going to be attracted to the wrong men?!

13 replies

Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:36

Split up with exdp in dec after being unhappy for a few years but staying and trying to work it out for dd (together 10years). the biggest problem was that we had nothing in common anymore (along with his drinking/gambling issues). The physical attraction and humour/cheekyness that first made me fall for him had gone and there didn't seem to be anything left. I was going through a rough time anyway for other reasons but have now sorted myself out and making fresh start. I haven't been attracted to any man for a long time and thought I could just give up on relationships for now, spend some time being single but I hoped to meet somebody else in the future that I have things in common with. It's lonely not having that companionship even if its just watching the same programme on tv that you both enjoy. Haven't had that in so long.

Anyway, problem is I've recently met somebody that makes me feel like exdp used to at the start again, he's married so its not going anywhere I just met him through mutual friends and now see him regularly. Even though this isn't going to lead to anything I'm kicking myself that this is still the type of guy that secretly makes my heart race. What is wrong with me?! Hate that I'm remembering how it feels to be so attracted to somebody after years of not meeting anyone that has made me feel like that.
Even if he was single (and i dont have any intention of acting on any feelings before anyone thinks that) he is sooo the wrong type of guy for me, that's what's bothering me.
Guess i just want to get it off my chest as i can tell anybody in RL. Can you ever be happy with somebody good for you if you're always attracted to the ones that aren't so good for you?

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 17/07/2014 20:39

Stop seeing him at once. He's an arse you know. He shouldn't be seeing you behind his wife's back. Just think now you are single you can watch EXACTLY what you want on tv!

Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:42

He's not seeing me at all sorry if that wasn't clear. He hasn't done anything I just (secretly) find him attractive and this bothers me. I never seem to be attracted to compatible? men!

OP posts:
Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:43

He doesn't know how I feel, nobody does, I'd be mortified if they did, hence why I can't talk about it in RL

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/07/2014 20:43

He is a dick. Take a long break from men and dating and do some serious work on your self-esteem

Loletta · 17/07/2014 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

superstarheartbreaker · 17/07/2014 20:47

It will pass. Crushes are normal.

Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:48

No loletta that's not what I meant and definitely NOTHING happened he has no clue how I feel and he hasn't shown any interest in me like that. I just mean how I used to feel when I was first attracted to exdp, like heart beating faster when they walk in room

OP posts:
bberry · 17/07/2014 20:48

Yes... Acknowledge your heart beats a little faster and then let your brain kick in and accept the reality that life would be terrible with your "type"

Try something new, a new type of man and look at the long term reality of a relationship, not just the initial rush (or better still, look fir both!)

When I met my now dh my sister said "he wasn't my usual type" I apparently replied "well, my usual type doesn't make me happy so I thought I would try something new" I don't remember this at all but love hearing the story and feeling proud of how self aware I must have been in my 20's!!!

Let your brain lead you.... What is it you really want from a relationship and what qualities will the man need to possess to achieve these?

It's hard to break habits, but it can be done

Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:49

Thanks superstar that's exactly it, it's just a crush I'm just annoyed at why can't I get a crush on the right type of bloke!

OP posts:
Loletta · 17/07/2014 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meltedcheese · 17/07/2014 20:53

Thanks bberry that makes sense, I'm definitely not ready to date yet! I think maybe I'm attracted to him as he reminds me of exdp before all the problems and fights and complications ruined everything,

OP posts:
MadeMan · 17/07/2014 22:13

"The physical attraction and humour/cheekyness"

It's always the cheekyness that does it.

AnyFucker · 17/07/2014 22:18

God save us from "cheeky chappies"

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