How do I deal with this?

[SorryBoutThat]

Dp's ex has for some unknown reason recently decided that Dp and I were having an affair before they had split up. Due to this, she has forbidden her child from having any contact with me. To the point where she has told her young child that if they see me, they will not be allowed to come back home, as she wouldn't be able to look at them.

I have made sure I have been completely out of the way any time dp has spent time with his child since, as I do not want to put the child in that position. I hadn't been spending time with dp and child, but there had been occasions where I was in the same place at an overlapping time due to commitments we both have. I cannot understand how a mother can say such a thing to their child, I know that it and worse has been said to the child as it has been repeated to both me and dp by the mother. who stalked me and threatened me on my doorstep, but that's another thread

I was not the OW. I definitely wasn't having an affair with her Partner. I'm not sure what to do, or where to go from here. How long do we pander to her, how do we approach changing this? As far as I can see there is nothing that we can do as it all falls back on the child.

If your dp has contact with his child, I don't think she can have any say over where he takes them or what he does with them during that time. My exh had a girlfriend I really didn't like (she left her own dc to shack up with him and then gave what should have been our dc's bedroom to her dc on the 2 nights a fortnight she had them!) but there was bugger all I could do about it.

Knowing your dc is with another woman is very hard and I can understand that she might be very reluctant to accept it will happen but, unless there is a genuine welfare issue, if the contact has been arranged formally (eg through mediation, as part of the divorce or by a court order) I don't think she has a legal leg to stand on. If there is no formal arrangement, that might well be something for your dp to sort out sooner rather than later.

Thank you, contact is currently informal and works as she likes to have time for herself, but does leave things with slight uncertainty. I understand knowing your child is spending time with someone else is difficult, I've had to overcome that hurdle myself.

It's not a worry that he'd not see his child, they are old enough to be able to have their own say. It is the mental aspect for the child involved being told that if they see me they are not allowed home. The child had said they liked me, and has on occasion said that they'd like to go somewhere they know I will be, regardless of me being there. However, we have made certain they have not come into contact with me, for fear of the mother's threats.

It's such a stupid situation, but I care for the child's well being and I don't want to risk them having to go through the mental abuse again. If there is no way to change the situation do I walk away?

your dp needs to get it on more formal setting. Going to court and getting it down on paper can be expensive but is worth its weight in gold.

She really has no choice in where or who her dd sees when she is with her df. Go court.

cut out years of agro