My love, you must have a bed. And soon.
You must have peace of mind and self-respect.
You have shown how strong you are to put up with this for so long, for the sake of your children and not rocking the boat.
Now, your children are almost grown. Your parents are ill. Your health is not as robust as it once was and you want more from life than you currently have.
Begging this husband for a couple of days out a year is not good.
I want you to put down all your responsibilities for a few minutes and think about what you would do if you were absolutely free.
Let that sink in for a few hours.
Then think practically about your parents. Are you their only child? Is the responsibility for them all yours? Will you inherit? Could you bear to live with them, and would they have you? Do they know that you sleep on the floor and that your husband goes away with the children, without you?
After a good break from thinking, reflect on your children. They might respect you more if they see you established in your own home. But, they’ll be upset by any changes to their routines, people always are. Over the last ten years, they’ve learned from their father and from your acquiescence that its ok to make you sleep on the floor, speak down to you etc. They expect that now. Changing that is going to take time and strength on your part. No need to argue about it, just quietly improve your position. What kind of relationship/s do you want with your children as adults? Its time to start working on that.
After a good rest, thinking of mundane things, think practically about finances.
You say you have money aside for divorce. I’m worried about that. If your husband knows about it (even if he doesn’t) I think it might be a ‘joint asset’ in case of divorce, and you might have to share it with him! Salt it and silence. You don’t have any money. Not a thing. Other people might give different advice, but that’s mine. Your joint house is paid off, but who will stay with it, with the children? Or will it be sold? Are there any other assets? Don’t give anything away, if you decide to go ahead with making a life for yourself.
Later, think about life alone. That’s really alone – without the constant abrasion of a husband who thinks he can make you live abjectly for reasons of his own. Think of quiet time, healing, finding yourself. And sometimes, loneliness. But not so bad as now, I think.
I wish you courage, strength, and vision. You, five years from now, own little home, bed to sleep in, children as regular, happy visitors and as many lovely days out and holidays as you could possibly wish. And maybe a nice man who shows you love, respect and kindness.
Good luck.