AIBU - ExH has changed his plans - again...

[ChickOnaMission]

AIBU here. My ex has always been a bit flakey changes his mind about things all the time. We split last summer, he has the kids 3 nights a week. This year he has had financial difficulties and had to move to Spain to live with his mum as he couldnt afford to rent anywhere here.

He went for a month on his own, then came back to take the kids there for the summer, he originally planned to have them there for 7 weeks. I work full time and can't afford full time childcare in the holidays. I miss them terribly but have prepared myself for this, I'm studying, working hard and just getting on with things.

The kids miss me and he's struggling to cope on his own. It's hot, he's not great at domestic stuff and he's finding it harder than he expected. Today he has announced he's coming back after 3.5 weeks instead, but still can't affford to rent anywhere so is going to get a studio apt for 2 weeks from Air Bnb, (conveniently close to his girlfriend, not me and the kids) and spend 2 weeks at pontins as it will be cheaper than renting. Apparently he's seen a groupon which is a bargain...

I'm just so annoyed that he's put us through all this heartache of knowing I won't see them for ages, preparing for it, then when it gets a bit difficult changes his mind. Obviously I will be happy to see the kids but I'm just so cross with him for messing us all around. We've fallen out about it today and he's accused me of always criticising him, I should be happy he's coming back, he said he's doing it for me because he knows I miss them. AIBU for being annoyed about this?

YANBU. What's actually worse than messing up your plans is that he's letting down his DCs, failing to care for them adequately and disrupting their schedule as some kind of quick fix solution. If he can't look after them in Spain, how is it going to be improved by relocating them to a studio apartment and Pontins? (Maybe I'm reading it wrong)

Was the access agreement drawn up and formalised legally or is it something you've cobbled together between yourselves? If it's the latter (which I would suspect) I think you need to learn from this, leave nothing to chance and get him tied into a legally enforceable, regular schedule that he can't back out of - even if it is less convenient for you.

I agree, it's very unsettling for the DC all the chopping & changing. But they would be delighted to be back with me I know.

He'd live in the studio and they'd stay at mine and he'd look after them during the day when I'm at work. He suggested he look after them at my house as there's more space and a garden etc. The kids would prefer that but it's anoying that he'll be in my space...

Then he'd take them to pontins as a holiday.

No we don't have an access agreement legally agreed. It's been ok so far, we're pretty amicable. But I know you're right we need to get it properly formalised.

Definitely don't let him invade your space. The whole thing just sounds what my New Zealand friend calls 'too hard' for him so he's looking for easy/lazy options all the time. He has financial problems so he moves to Spain. Spain is an easy option until It gets a bit warm (July in Spain? Warm? You don't say?) and he can't cope. The studio flat is the easy option because he can't have them overnight (very convenient for him). Idea of using your home for his access is the easy option. Hope he's on the list for a spine transplant...

I really do think formalising the access is overdue. He has to get real about his responsibilities at some point.

he said he's doing it for me because he knows I miss them.

Well two ways of looking at it:
What a crock - he belatedly realised he'd stitched himself up so rapidly revised plans and presents it as a gift wrapped up with a bow for you.
Or
The DCs are going to have the best of both worlds, time with Dad & grandmother and back near you.

Mind you, you mentioned a gf, presumably it's no coincidence that he'll be back in the UK where she is. I expect part of his timetable will revolve around her working hours and evening availability so it's not just about helping you out or however he phrases it.