I've just walked out on my DH & children. Please talk to me.

[PolkaSpottyDotty]

I'm so angry. DH puts work before family and I'm sick of it. He said he'd come home so I could run DD to her club without taking other DCs with me and got delayed at work. Again.

This happens all the time. Always late. Always consumed by work and I'm left at home with the stresses of being a SAHM and carer to a DC with complex SENs.

I'm such a crap mother. I'm supposed to be at a school meeting in 30mins.

Sounds like it (understandably) got too much and you needed a break. Do you know what you want to do next?

Sorry

Send your dh a text, telling him you need some time to yourself. He will be annoyed now but will calm down and understand later. Go somewhere quiet if you can before the meeting and just let it all out. Cry, scream whatever you need to do.

Go home, get the kids settled then have a chat with your dh about how you're feeling and ways he can support you.

I'm sorry if this sounds patronising it's not meant to be

Go for a nice long walk. When you feel calmer, write down your feelings and give them to your husband. Then arrange a time to talk it through...at that point focus on how you can change things for the better.

Do not feel guilty. You need a few hours right now. Walk it out, literally get fresh air into your mind and body. When you go home try to stay relaxed and get some sleep, extreme tiredness has probably contributed to your current feelings.

Take care.

I don't know what to do or where to go.

I don't want to go home but I also don't want to hurt my DCs by leaving them.

I just can't do this any more. They all deserve better than me.

Will attending the school.meeting be something you could do to sort of switch off for an hour or so? Coffee and a good stare out of a cafe window afterwards while you calm.

Let him handle the kids for the next few hours.

Your kids deserve you. Your dh doesnt.

Do you have friend you could go to? Family? Your DCs are not going to come to any harm being with their Dad. Call in, say you're going to stay the night somewhere and maybe book a GP appointment for the morning as you sound very depressed. Let DH take a few days off work.

My family are hundreds of miles away.

Going to school is a good idea. I can paint a smile on, I'm good at hiding my feelings usually.

I'm not depressed - sad, angry, tired, frustrated but I'm not feeling low like depression.

Phone the school and cancel if its not too urgent.

I did this once. I drove to MacDonalds and drank lots of coffee. I don't recommend you go there, I got a parking ticket.

It's hard feeling at the bottom of everything, the buck stops with you ALL the time. There's no way I could have a meeting that overruns for example; I would have to just walk out.

Just think about the next few hours. Think about you and your feelings. Take the opportunity to try and decide what would help.

I hope you are OK.

Although you sound harassed and fed up, running away isn't going to solve anything ,and you may well scare your DC witless by suddenly disappearing. You are not a crap Mum but you are very upset. However, First of all do YOU think you are suffering from depression? Depression feels differently to some people but usually it manifests itself by crying about small things, not wanting to get up, not being able to sleep or cope, etc. If you think you have the symptoms of depression then you need to get some treatment. There is no shame in being depressed. If your leg was broken you would get it plastered. Are you pre menstrual ? Why are you unable to cope less well today than yesterday? If you have asked yourself these questions already then you can move on to your DH. If he puts work at the top of his list, is it because he in danger of getting made redundant? Is he always late? Does he always let you down? Is he controlling? Can you talk to him? Does he help with the DC and do some housework? A marriage is a partnership. It is a compromise and each person in it deserves to be respected. Shouting at each other and wild accusations just lead to bitterness and a break down of communication. Your post is so angry and sad but to make more of a judgement I feel that I could do with some more background information.

I had a friend do this once. Packed her bag and ran away to a hotel for three days. She sent a text to her husband and one to her mum telling them she was fine, what she was doing and why but not where she'd gone. She said it was great, came back and got herself to the doctors and heartily recommended it.

sad, angry, tired, frustrated

That's how I feel when I'm depressed.

Your children are lucky to have you. No one could do a better job than you do. Remember that. Perhaps your feelings of inadequacy are something to mention to your doctor and husband.

Can I ask what his job is (roughly) before I give an opinion?

You don't sound depressed by the way.

You clearly need some relief... Do you feel as though your care has worn out? Is it possible to hire/find appropriate assistance so you can get a regularly scheduled (and dependable) break?

The caregivers need care too.

Go to the meeting, participate in it as you should, and go back when it's over.

H can do teaa, baths and bedtimes on his own.

Not like it's rocket science, is it.

When you get home, continue to leave him to it and say you're 'off' and you'll let him walk a mile in your shoes for once.

If he moans, go out again.

The dc won't suffer, they are with their dad.

You're not a bad mother - you're a really good mother whose husband is not pulling his weight. How much 'me' time do you get in this marriage?

Thanks everyone for posting and supporting.

I've had depression before, I know my triggers and low points, and I'm not there now.

Life is tiring and stressful. The anger towards his commitment to his work has been building for a long while. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face about communicating with me better. He tries for a while but then slips back into being more at work than at home, and when he is at home he is still working.

Tonight is just me saying enough is enough. Leaving him to it, walking away, I just wanted him to have a taste of what I do. How much time, effort and emotion goes into caring for our daughters. I'm a bit of a swan - smoothly sailing along, but paddling like fury underneath and no-one can see it.

I'm home now. He's putting the little DCs to bed, I'm going to go for a run (my one and only sanctuary) and clear my head. That will help me decide what's next.

They WILL manage if they have to. I went a few weeks ago. Similar situation. I'm not sure if I'm going back.
Not a programmer is he?

I took the kids with me though lol ( as it we've been away about six weeks now)

No, he's in a senior management post in teaching.

I've said to him so many times that it would be easier to do this on my own, then I wouldn't have the heartache when the one person I thought I could rely on lets me down.

An option I've been considering is moving to nearer my family (300+ miles away) so that I get some help and support, particularly with our SEN child.

I moved 100 miles away to my mums as I don't get any help where we were. We did have other probs too though ( silent treatment etc)
I honestly don't think they see the light until you do actually go tbh.
It's hard but possible!

Bet his female colleagues manage their time better.

Piss-taking twat.

They probably have to.

I'm at fault too, I know I mother him to try and be supportive of his job (which is hard, hard work at times).

I've turned into a bit of a 1950s wife - not sure where the gobby, sweary, feisty me went!!

I'm SLT, and I think I might be a bit of a piss taking twat sometimes, to my DH anyway. It can be quite an inflexible job. A lot depends on the attitude of the head.

I am moving schools in September. I am hoping it will help shift my balance.