How to identify and deal with people who hold you back?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Not necessarily maliciously but also jealous people. I'm talking about frenemies who don't like the fact you've lost wieght or got a new job, boyfriends who feel threatened by your success or parents who can't let go. Also colleagues who maybe back stab.

Of course I'm not completely paranoid and I am surrounded by some good people . In the past I haven't been. Also some of my inner circle have revealed themselves to get jealous and I can't quite distance myself.

If they're just threatened by your wonderfulness but do nothing about it beyond a little seething then I think you're in 'smile and wave' territory. Let them suffer.

If they're bad mouthing you behind your back, being offensive to your face, 'holding you back' in some material sense then you have to take action and be assertive.. What that action might be depends on the level of harm being caused and the relationship with the person. Boyfriends are easy... dump their sorry arses no questions asked. Frenemies ditto. Who needs them? Family can be less easily avoided so, unless you want to go the no contact route and isolate yourself, I think you always have to tackle them head on.

Detach and work on your self esteem. If you know you are a good person with good intentions then it's not up to anyone else to tell you otherwise.

Also be wary of reading too much into other people's words and actions. In general I have found that most people are self-absorbed. That's not to say they're selfish, just that they worry about themselves before everyone else. So when you think they're judging you, they're really just worrying about themselves and how they look or how successful they are. Essentially you have to realise that you're not the centre of their universe - they judge you, then get on with their own lives. It's only when you start worrying about their judgement that they become a problem.

Thanks for the advice. I find some friends in the past have made comments that afterwards made me feel quite hurt. I just distance myself from them.

The most important person to you should be you. That is normal. If you put other peoples needs 100% before your own, then something is up with your self esteem and you will be very unhappy. Anyone who starts a conversation to me with ' if I were you.. Gets stopped by me with ' but you are not me are you.? ! don't care about stuff said behind my back and neither should you, as you can't win them all. If anyone tries to repeat to me stuff said about me behind my back I immediately feel suspicious of their motives. Because If something is said behind your back then that is where it should stay. You care too much about what others say about you Start changing little sensitive super star otherwise you are in for a painful rest of your life. Repeat after me ' I am the most important person to me' and the rest of the jealous ........... can go take a running jump.

In all honesty the only person who can 'hold you back' is you. Your boss can hold you back career-wise and if you think that's happening, start looking for a new job. Your partner can hold you back life-wise by squashing your ability to grow as a person so if that's happening I'd up and leave.

Friends who make you feel small and demeaned should be unfriended both in real life and virtually as they're not friends. Colleagues/acquaintances who backstab soon stop gossiping around you if you just step away from the gossip or change the subject. Family's harder but you can just stop seeing them or get your head 'in the zone' when you're with them and change the subject when they start. My Mum could be very nasty about other people. I'd just tell her that I hadn't come to see her to talk about so-and-so and then change the subject. She soon stopped talking about other people.

Anyone jealous of me who makes snide comments doesn't last long in my life. I figure life's too short to have 'drains' around me i.e. people that drain the life and fun from me. I want to be surrounded by 'heaters' - the ones that make my life warm and sunny. Say that a few times to your frenemies and they won't want to be viewed as drains and will shut up.

I tend to back off from people like this too. Sometimes it is hard if you are in a group and can't ignore one perpetrator in a group of mutual friends.

I tend to try and keep things bright and breezy and ignore as much as possible, but it is hard.