Low self esteem ruining my relationship

[stripeymonstereatingspagbol]

I have had really low self esteem since adolescence thanks to my two toxic parents (who I have been NC with since September last year - the BEST thing I have ever done for myself) and shitty school and life experiences.

After my DD was born I had about a year's worth of counselling and have tried hypnotherapy and meditation - all of which have helped enormously.

However it is still a really big issue for me.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months now. The relationship has been a real whirlwind and we have had a few wobbles but on the whole it is lovely and he is really nice and supportive.

The last week in particular I have just descended into a pit of self hate and bleakness. I feel like the world is against me, keep thinking of all the shitty things that have and haven't happened and just feel like I'm not good enough, am always misunderstood and that everyone thinks I am a massive loser etc.

Its really starting to effect my relationship. My boyfriend has commented on it, for example sometimes I get very anxious, start thinking of horrible things and sort of glaze over. I also get quite moody and grumpy. I really hate myself for doing this. I really don't want this to effect my relationship as i feel like I've met a really nice guy. It is very self destructive.

My boyfriend is very sympathetic and rightly says that he thinks all the things I worry about are not relevant to my current situation. The toxic people in my life are now gone, as have the difficult situations and I should let the water flow under the bridge, but I just find it so hard to get out of this negative way of thinking.

I've made myself worse by facebook stalking people I went to school with and they all seem so happy in their photos etc and are friends with each other whereas I am outcast and it reminds me of how I felt at school.

I know this is probably a really self pitying "woe is me" kind of thread but this is how I am feeling right now and just wanted to get it off my chest.

Any words of wisdom, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Would you consider talking to a GP about the way you feel? You've mentioned some alternative therapies but if you're feeling excessively bleak with self-loathing even though your life is, on paper, taking a turn for the better then you could be clinically depressed. Which is treatable.

Definitely quit FB for a bit. Even the most determinedly optimistic person can be made to feel like a worthless Billy No Mates reading the typical feeds on there.

There is a lot of stuff online you can access. Basically you have to learn to zap all those negative thoughts and replace with better ones.
Start by making a list of all your good qualities and read them daily!
It's about changing your behaviour - you CAN do it but it will take practise. Sorry got to go now for work but sure others will pop along and help.

I just find it so hard to get out of this negative way of thinking

I'd go back to your GP and ask about CBT. You sound as if you need further help with this.